Keeping Calm When Change Is All Around

"Possibility" - Mixed Media:
-acrylic paint, magazine scraps and jell pen.

It's been one week since I received some life changing news - due to budget cuts and seniority issues my teaching position for next year is no longer mine.  Now what I am asking myself? I have a job until June, but what comes next? Do I want to stay in public education? Do I want to go in an entirely new direction?

One thing is for certain, I have turned to reading for solace and finding it in Bernadette Murphy's Zen and the Art of Knitting: Exploring the links between knitting, spirituality, and creativity. I began reading Murphy's book even before the bad news came as I was drawn to the title because of my own fondness for knitting. Like Murphy herself and the knitters she interviewed, I find peace when knitting. She writes about the calm that comes over one when she's knitting that is like the experience others have when engaging in focusing on the breath or a mantra while meditating.

So how does this tie in with the loss of my job? I found the some words of wisdom on page 126, spoken by a former film producer turned professional artist who stated that when she finally decided to pursue the creative life there were no rules to follow so she had to forge her own path. "I just did what I had to do. And you know what? .... The world will let you do it."

There you go - words to live by. I don't know what the path ahead of me will be, but I can take comfort in knowing that I will be following in the footsteps of others who have gone bravely into that uncharted territory, and I too will learn to follow my own passions in order to fashion the next phase of my life.

Bread and the food of life

Art Journal Pages - "Charmed Life"

It's the simple things in life that can either bring the most joy or be our biggest challenge. Take food for example, we need it to live but too much of it and then it becomes a health issue. I have struggled all my life with my weight. I certainly know what healthy eating looks like, but for me food is more than energy, it can soothe my weary soul.

Reading can do that for me as well. When my brain is overflowing with thoughts, picking up a book can help me to escape the vortex that is building up inside. Sourdough or, Lois and Her Adventures in the Underground Market by Robin Sloan turned out to be a book that nourished my soul on a day that I needed comfort.

Lois a young programmer for a robotics company lives a very sheltered life in the bustling city of San Francisco. She follows the lead of several of her co-workers who are meeting their nutritional needs by drinking a product they refer to as Slurry. Lois begins to consume (because eating would be the wrong word here) it three times a day. On her doorstep she finds a flyer for a little takeout place offering spicy soup and bread. She orders. She gets hooked. But when the work visas for the operators of the business expire they must leave the country but not without giving her a parting gift - a crock of sourdough starter. Now her adventures really begin.

I've found myself reading a lot of stories in this same vein - character is living an unsatisfying life, event happens to upend the status quo, change happens leading to the discovery of a new way of living. I guess it is a sign that my life is not going the way I want it to. I read Sloan's book in the course of a day off from work. I needed to leave my life behind while I went with my mother into Boston for a visit with her oncologist. A day of tests and lots of waiting. A day filled with the unspoken worry "has the cancer come back?" The answer - no. Thank God.

Getting a medical diagnosis is one of those events that turns your world upside down. The worrying can consume you and you need to find a way to deal with it, or at least avoid it for a little while. Reading for me helps at times like these. I want to thank the authors who have helped me during the difficult times of life - you made it possible for me to survive them.

Learning from The World's Strongest Librarian

Unbeliever's Prayer - John Gunther, Jr.
Art Journal Piece

The third Nor'easter in twelve days means another snow day on which to be able to finish up reading the current title on my bedside table - The World's Strongest Librarian: A book lover's adventures by Josh Hanagarne.  How could I not be drawn to a title like this one, for aren't I a book lover too? From the earliest age, even still in the womb, Josh's mother took him to the public library where he fell in love with books and reading. Reading would become a key coping skill as he dealt with his Tourette Syndrome diagnosis. It was fascinating to learn first hand what life is like for someone with this disorder and how Josh strove to calm the tics. It wasn't easy. He struggled to get through school, his Mormon mission experience, and through the work day.

It was his passion for books that finally led him to find his life's work as a librarian, "saving lives and worlds isn't in my purview....Saving minds, however ... perhaps it's not as farfetched. (p. 208)" He goes on to talk about the power of a mind that continues always to think, to question, to search: "The mind that asks and experiments and evaluates will die one day, but will provide a richer life for its owner. The mind that does nothing but rest inside the brain doesn't sidestep the puddle. It's sitting in it. (p. 208)" How powerful is that! That is my worst fear in life - losing my mind. Not only do we struggle to keep our bodies under control, and Hanagarne knows more than most of us that battle, but to work to keep our minds intact is something we must all work at. There are days as a teacher that I encounter a student who has stopped asking why, who has no desire to keep learning, who wants the right answer without working to find it for themselves, who is afraid of being creative, who fails to take the risk - and my heart breaks. And I ask myself - what kind of life is that?

Another part of Hanagarne's story is his travels down the road along the journey of faith. He was raised in the Mormon church, but when he hit his early twenties began to doubt and question. I could sympathize with him for as someone raised in the Roman Catholic tradition I too have had to question mainly the difference between belief in God and belief in a religion. Like Hanagarne who by the end of the book implies he's still trying to figure it out, so am I. In reading Will Schwalbe's Books for Living, I came across his quotation of "The Unbeliever's Prayer" written by John Gunther, Jr in May of 1946. John was a teenager dying of a brain tumor and himself struggling with the issue of faith. (His story is told by his father John Gunther in the memoir Death Be Not Proud) I created the piece above in my art journal, finding the words of this prayer to have deep meaning.

Being a book lover allows me, Schwalbe, and Hanagarne to go on adventures into countless worlds real or imaginary. Those books teach us lessons that allow us to grow and evolve into the people we are and will be. I am where I am today because of the books I've read. Where will I be in five years? Who knows but I will be a different person then because of the experiences I will have lived through and the books I have read.

Digging in, staying put, and blooming

Living the dream - a collection of
magazine clippings 

In need of something different to read, I turned once more to memoir. On the library shelf was Jerusalem Jackson Greer's At Home in this Life. Intrigued by reading the back cover blurb something resonated with me, so home the book went with me.

Greer opens with describing  a "terrible year" that she had lived through. I knew exactly what that consisted for I had lived through about four years in a row of what I would describe as terrible years - Dad died, Mom went through cancer treatment, Memere passed at the age of 100, my mother-in-law passed, and my father-in-law's health deteriorated at such a rate that he had to be moved into assisted living. One thing after another. Now that's not to say that things weren't without joy - both my children graduated from high school and went on to college, Mom is approaching her third year cancer free, I found a new job, and there were countless glimpses of peace and serenity even on the darkest days.

Jerusalem, a loving wife and mother, wanted more for her family and dreamed of upping stakes and moving to a farm. It just wasn't meant to be - well not yet. She had some lessons to learn first, the most important being to learn to live well with what and where she already was. Her focus for this memoir is a passage from Jeremiah 29:4-14, which she elegantly summarized as "Be Here Now. Be content and invested in the life you have, instead of wishing for a different life (p.89)." No truer words touched me while reading. Here we are growing older, dreaming of retirement yet there is so much to do in the here and now right where we are now. Before we could ever downsize the house will need a list of projects completed. Now that we are done paying for college, funds can be funneled into a new furnace, roof, and siding for the house. Carpets need replacing and wood floors resurfaced. Plus there is plenty of stuff to purge - stuff we no longer need or would desire to pack up and move to a smaller place.

Art journal piece - found poetry, collage, and zentangle

It was comforting once again to know that I am not alone in the daily struggles of life, that there is someone out there going through the same thing. That's one of the benefits of reading memoirs - coming to see that our lives aren't all that unique and perhaps someone has a small bit of advice that will help us get through. Greer's advice was to learn to live simply, pray for guidance, focus on family, and to serve the greater community when possible. Simple doesn't always mean easy, but when given the chance this type of lifestyle can bring many riches.

I was inspired by her work to create these two pieces that illustrate the many themes discussed in the book. Greer loves to collect, decorate and feather her nest. I love to do the same. The first piece features the display of beautiful dish ware, a passion of mine. The second piece centers on building that safe space that is home.

The Gift of Anger

Five Pillars of Nonviolence -
art journal collage

As a child I loved visiting with my grandparents. It wasn't until I had children of my own that in watching my parents grandparent that I saw a different side of them. Our grandparents are in a different position to teach us things that our parents cannot, perhaps we are just more open to them.

Arun Gandhi had the rare opportunity to spend two years of his early adolescence at the ashram run by his famous grandfather, Mahatma Gandhi. In his memoir, The Gift of Anger, he recounts the many lessons he learned from his dear Bapuji. Through telling his story, Gandhi helps us today to see how his grandfather's belief in non-violent actions could bring about the change that we want to see in our world - to bring about peace.

The vital lessons about life were codified in these principles: respect, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, and compassion. Arun's grandfather stressed the need to live life simply and to try to be better than the day before. He wasn't saying that we have to be perfect but to live our lives with out squandering any part of our day. We spend so much time trying to obtain status or wealth that we lose sight of those things that are most precious - those we love. As parents we get very wrapped up in the day to day challenges of earning a living, doing the housework, commuting, paying the bills, etc. that we can be worn out with little left for our children. And that is the beauty of grandparents - they have that time to spend with their grandchildren. No matter how busy Mahatma Gandhi was with the affairs of state, he would put those things aside when Arun required his attention. We all must remember to do that for whoever seeks to connect with us whether it is our children, our spouses, our parents, our friends for we never know how much time we will have with them. Sadly, shortly after Arun left the ashram to return to his home, his grandfather was assassinated. It is a blessing for us all that his lessons live on to help us all to be more mindful as we strive to live our lives to the best of our abilities.

Not your typical detective - Celine

Celine - art journal page

For the second time this summer, I found myself reading a story that involved a teenaged girl from a wealthy American family who finds herself pregnant during the years following World War II. Unlike Charlie St. Claire in Kate Quinn's The Alice Network (see my post) who is 19 and decides to keep her baby, Celine Watkins, of Peter Heller's novel Celine, is only 15 and her baby is given up for adoption. Both young women had difficult decisions to make regarding their pregnancy. Celine's decision would help to determine the course of the rest of her life.

After delivering her baby Celine returned to her private boarding school to complete her studies, went off to college, married and had a son. She was the unconventional member of her family by becoming a private detective and not your typical one at that. Celine only takes cases involving missing family members; often clients are looking for birth parents or children. On her travels, Celine continues to search the faces of women who would be the right age to be the daughter that she gave up all those years ago. As the novel unfolds, we learn about who Celine is and her family history. She is now in her sixties, remarried to Pete, suffering from emphysema, artist, master of acting, and a crack shot. We meet her adult son, Hank, who has learned his mother's secret from his dying aunt. Unknown to Celine, Hank in his early twenties went looking for his missing sister, and he might just have found her.

Celine's current case is  brought to her by Gabriella who is searching for her father a famous photographer who was presumed dead, eaten by a grizzly bear in Yellowstone National Park. But there are way to many loose threads to the case when Celine picks up the trail. Celine and Pete have arrived in Jackson Hole to begin their hunt for Gabriella's father and she comments about this town as being only in existence as a location for fun which is very tiring, "Pursuing fun is exhausting. Having fun is just fun. Much more relaxing just to do your work, don't you think? I mean if you enjoy it. (p.138)" What a statement about the American way of life - we work really hard in order to have the time to chase our happiness. In fact Pete responds to her with this, "It's why I always felt coming back to the States after traveling was a bit stressful. I mean our job as citizens, apparently, is the pursuit of happiness. Something I always have to gird myself for. I'd much rather just be happy, or not. (p. 139)"

Being happy has been a topic of mine in earlier posts (Hector and the Search for Happiness, The Happiness Project, and Happiness on the Mind), and I think Pete's quote above hits the nail on the head - happiness is a decision to be or not to be. We can't find happiness by pursuing it (see how i became stupid) rather it is something that comes from within. I believe that we can pursue fun, excitement gained by doing activities,  spending time with other people, or engaging in hobbies. But too many of us work very hard to get those things we think will bring us happiness - a thinner body, a bigger bank account, a house in a better neighborhood, the promotion at work, a new spouse, and the list goes on. What we lose is the precious time to just be. I attended the funeral of a wonderful woman this week, and I know that when she came to her last moments it wasn't her bank account she was thinking about, but the precious time that she had spent being herself for that was her greatest accomplishment and didn't everyone at her funeral say so. This woman was authentic, she used her big booming voice and she wasn't afraid to tell you just how it was. That's the lesson for all of us to take away - to be happy, to be ourselves, to go out there and do life. Thanks Patricia B. for the lesson.

A Charming Read

Phaedra Patrick's
The Curious Charms of
Arthur Pepper 

After I lost my father I found that I was drawn to reading books about widows perhaps it was my way of understanding what my mother's new life must be like or even what my life would be if I lost my husband. Just over six months ago we lost my mother-in-law and the roles are reversed, I'm observing what the loss of a wife means to her husband. What would life be like for my husband if I go before him? Phaedra Patrick's The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper is one such story that gives such an example.

The story opens on the one year anniversary of Miriam Pepper's death and her husband Arthur has decided today's the day to clear out her clothes. In the year since her death, Arthur has gone about living a very regimented life, life as Miriam lived while dodging the helpful concern of fellow widow and neighbor Bernadette, and missing his two grown children. When he discovers a heart shaped box hidden in one of Miriam's boots he uses his locksmith talents to open the lock and discovers a charm bracelet within one that he doesn't remember his wife ever wearing. Why is it hidden away like this? What can it mean? One of the charms, a small elephant, even has a telephone number inscribed on it. Curiosity pushes Arthur to call the number and so begins his journey to learning about who his wife was before he married her. I'll cut to the chase, the real result is Arthur's journey to discovering who he is now.

Back cover quote - funny thing
I've now read all these titles. 

"But not once had his wife made him feel like he wasn't good enough. He was doing that to himself" (Patrick 132). This quote struck right to my heart as the struggle I've been living with all my life. I've always thought that people were judging me, and perhaps they were, but maybe not in the way I thought they were. I've managed to do that for myself and harshly at times. Lesson number one for Arthur, and for me, is to stop doing that to ourselves. The cliche that we need to love ourselves before we can love others is at work again here.

Arthur revisits a seaside vacation spot and discovers a small crab in a tidal pool, "Perhaps I've been stuck in a rock pool too, he thought. I need to be in the sea, even if it's scary and unknown. If I don't do it, then I will shrivel and die" (Patric 287) What really needs to happen for any of us is to heal our hurts in order to open ourselves up to the next great thing that life has to offer us. It takes courage to put ourselves out there in the world. Arthur realizes his desire to expand his horizons. This journey has taken him away from home, introduced him to new people, pushed him out of his comfort zone, and shown him a different side of his wife - a part of her life she wanted to hide from him - "I have to trust that you did it for the right reasons. And I'm still alive. I wish you were, too, but you're not. And I want to live even though it hurts. I don't want to be a dried-up crab" (Patrick 288). And that is so what I want for my husband should I go first - I want him to live.

Patrick, Phaedra. The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper. United States: Mira Books, 2016. Print.

The Buried Giant

What is it that we keep buried deep within our memories? That is the only one of the themes that The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro explores. In this tale of medieval England, an elderly couple witness a malaise among their villagers, something they call 'the Mist,' which robs people of their memories. It results in strange behaviors and ideas among the people, but it isn't just their village that suffers from the Mist, but the entire countryside. The couple set off on a journey to visit their son and on the way encounter other travelers who are seeking a solution to the Mist problem said to be a result of the breath of an aging she-dragon.

There is more than just the Mist that is a problem for our elderly couple, the wife is suffering from a pain and along the way they stop to consult those who are skilled in the healing arts. The husband, Axl, is clearly worried by his wife's ailment, but with the Mist he doesn't see it for what it is. She has hidden her symptoms from him not wishing to worry him. They encounter a group of widows who warn them of the boatmen who would transport them to a distant island, but only after being submitted to interrogation regarding their memories. Only those who really love each other deeply can be together on the island while others are left to wander its shores alone.

Some argue that perhaps fixing the Mist problem wouldn't be such a good thing. Aren't they happy to forget the past, "Yet the mist covers all memories, the bad as well as the good....You've no fear then, of bad memories, mistress?" (Ishiguro 157). To which Beatrice replies, "What's to fear father? What Axl and I feel today in our hearts for each other tells us the path taken here can hold no danger for us, no matter that the mist hides it now. It's like a tale with a happy end, when even a child knows not to fear the twists and turns before. Axl and I would remember our life together, whatever its shape, for it's been a thing dear to us" (Ishiguro 157).

As they travel, their memories do begin to return - the good and the bad. For their marriage hasn't always been good, there has been unfaithfulness, which has been forgiven. Harsh words spoken. The son they seek to visit is in fact dead and buried. And the pain that Beatrice suffers is in fact a sign of a deeper illness buried dead within.

Eventually, Axl and Beatrice encounter the boatman and he speaks with both asking them about their most treasured memories. Each tells of the good and the bad for each are treasured, each type has contributed to their great love for one another. As they climb into the boat, Axl is told there is only room for one passenger and he cannot travel. It is an ache to read of his pleading to be allowed to come, his refusal to be parted from his wife. Yet in the end he has no choice. None of us do when death comes for those we love.

As I read, I tried to figure out what Ishiguro meant by the 'Mist.' Was it tied into society's dependence on escape from experiencing the good and the bad by distraction with technology or worse the use and abuse of drugs and alcohol. Having recently listened to a young man recovering from a heroin addiction, the depiction of the 'Mist' reminded me of his words about how the drug wrapped him in a blanket blocking out the world and his only desire when he came to was to figure out a way to get back to that state. In our communities today the opiate abuse issue is one of great concern, and I don't understand why anyone would be driven to using such a terrible thing to escape from life.

What else could Ishiguro have meant by the 'Mist?' Perhaps I should take it very literally and that as we age we lose our memories. Watching my love ones age and their personalities and memories erased by dementia is heartbreaking. Disease like cancer can alter brain chemistry and result in personality changes that I witnessed in my father's last days. Friends and neighbors share painful stories of caring for loved ones with Alzheimer's, and I've witnessed what happens to the victims of this disease when I visited my grandmother who spent her last years in the memory care ward of a nursing home.

The 'Mist' could mean many different things to different readers. Most importantly for me was the message that there are those that seek to fight the Mist. The importance of holding on to both the good and the bad memories and that one must have both to have a rich full life. That perseverance is a treasured value in helping to achieve a well lived life.

Coffee and books - the elixirs of Life

How Starbucks Saved my Life
Michael Gates Gill

Picked up a memoir to read over my February break from school, Michael Gates Gill's How Starbucks Saved My Life: A son of privilege learns to live like everyone else.  Now first of all I must be honest, as a New Englander, if I buy coffee out (Yankee thrift means I brew my own at home) I tend to prefer Dunkin Doughnuts to Starbucks. There I said it. I'm sure that will lead to lots of controversy. Point is I don't think you have to be a coffee drinker to appreciate the lessons that Gill learned and shared in his honest account of putting together his life after being fired from his long-time, high flying, well paid job as an advertising executive; divorce from his wife of many years with whom he had four children, and fathering of a fifth child with a woman he'd had an affair with, which contributed to his divorce. Alone and broke he found himself in his local Starbucks being asked by a young African American woman if he was looking for a job. His answer was simple - yes.

Gill was the son of wealthy, well-connected parents. His memoir is sprinkled with names of the famous people he met through his parents, as well as, the people he met in his own professional life after having attended the right school (Yale) and getting the right job (hired by another alumnus). But it didn't matter who he knew on the day he realized that he'd really screwed up his life because those people were no longer able to offer him the assistance he most needed - a job. Now he was a man who needed income and health insurance benefits, especially after learning that he had a rare tumor that was impacting his hearing. So he started his new job at the bottom. Afraid of screwing up he accepted cleaning chores and found them to be concrete tasks that he felt confident of being able to successfully complete. His manager worked him slowly up the task that he feared the most - waiting on customers and running the cash register. Eventually he would find a niche serving as a coffee ambassador and to the most challenging of all - making of the espresso drinks.

With each new hurdle, Gill shared a memory about a similar challenge in his earlier life, or more like seeing the situation from the side he'd previously been on. Now he was the student,  the minority,  the employee, or the invisible. I read how he learned so many of life's many painful lessons late in life and how had he been open to these lessons earlier in his life how different it would have been. Lessons in how to be a better husband, father, mentor, or member of society.

Sometimes we need to lose everything in order to start fresh and learn a new way of living. Many a recovering addict (insert addiction type here) will tell you that they had to hit bottom before they could take on Step 1 (admitted I was powerless and my life was unmanageable) and start the long road back to sanity. But there are others who say that you can start changing your life no matter where you are on the road. Reading this memoir was a reminder that I don't need to wait for the bad times for me to tackle change in my life. Change can happen any time as long as we are open to the signs, the lessons, the teachers, and the desire.

Mealtimes with Buddha

Two of Ronald Merullo's titles in
the series of meals with Buddha

Although these are fictional works they are infused with the wisdom of the Buddha's teaching. For a novice in Eastern Philosophy they were an excellent introduction instructing me about these principles and how they could be applied in my life. These books along with others I've read on meditation and mindfulness have only helped to support my burgeoning practice of meditation.

I'd like to share a few quotes and lessons I've gained from these stories.

1. "You grew up in central Connecticut. No one has issues about central Connecticut." (p. 7 from Breakfast with Buddha) - okay nothing too deep here except a belly laugh (which is great for the soul) because I grew up in central Connecticut.

2. "I wonder, sometimes, if the same deep desire lies at the heart of addiction to drugs, to drink, to eating, to work: are we all just desperately looking for some strategy that will get us past the shoals of modern existence and safely into that imagined, calm port?" (p. 19 from Breakfast) - deeper thought required here on my part. Haven't I over the years battled with my own addictions (mostly food and work) to escape from the challenges of life? Still I am drawn to them as ways to ease the pain, but more and more I'm seeing that they don't work so well anymore. Now I want quiet. To sit and breathe. Or more often to get outdoors for a walk to enjoy moving and being in nature.

3. To paraphrase from pages 108-109 from Breakfast - we learn by living, from getting through all the challenges whether they be great struggles or the mundane chores of everyday living. But if we take the time to quiet the mind be it through meditation or prayer, we can increase our ability to learn from life's lessons. "It means you will squeeze all the juice from this life that there is to squeeze. You will not waste your time here, that you have been given, that is so precious we do not realize until the moment we die." (p. 109) - Wow!!! Right??!! How powerful those words are to me as I re-read these pages that I had marked for future reference. I am in the midst of grieving the loss of my dear mother-in-law and once again faced with observing my life. Am I squeezing all there is out of it? I am clearly yearning for more. I don't want to waste a precious moment. But fear is gripping me, can I make the leap of faith that it will take to truly change my life?

4. Again to paraphrase this time from pages 172-174 from Breakfast -  a parable of a young boy who has the desire to play the piano and as he grows to manhood he knows he will never play at the expert level so he begins to settle on choosing not to pursue his passion. His fears of failure and judgement have become barriers to living his life more fully. - Where has this same behavior come from in my life? Perhaps I will never know and perhaps it's no longer important to figure that out. The point is, am I willing to face the fears that prevent me from living, from pursuing passions, from loving more deeply? I want to be.

5. In Dinner with Buddha, Otto Ringling the narrator of these stories has a profound experience while meditating that I think helps to sum up what I am working towards. He describes it as follows: "It took a minute or two, but I could feel what I can only describe as a deep satisfaction enveloping me. Satisfaction is not quite the word, however. This was a state of being that I hadn't ever known, not in my best days as a father or husband or anything else, not in my quietest meditations. This was an absolute forgiveness for all that I was not, for all that I had not done right in this lifetime. A slate wiped clean." (p. 236-7) - He speaks further about a sense of belonging in the world. That all we have is our sense of being and that we are "perfect in (our - my change) imperfection."

Like a nourishing meal, these thoughts must be first be inhaled allowing the aroma to awaken the senses and start the flow of saliva from the glands. Tasted slowly to let the sensory buds identify the favor. Chew to get the texture and feel not to mention to begin the digestive process. The swallow - for not all bites or lessons are easy to get down some are more palatable than others. The process of digestion is slow as all the nutrients are broken down into smaller and smaller units being readied for absorption. The absorbed nutrients will then speed along the way through the blood to the cells where these building blocks will be used to fuel the cell or to be refashioned into new structures. Either way growth occurs - something new is built from something old.

Merullo has given me much to reflect upon. I have been filled up with new ideas, ones which must be chewed, digested, absorbed, and used to build a new way of looking at the world. Like many times before a book has arrived in my life when I needed it most. Lessons to be learned. Growth pains to be endured while I move from one stage of life to another.

Breakfast with Buddha,  Roland Merullo, Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, c. 2008
Dinner with Buddha, Roland Merullo, Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, c. 2015

French Lessons?

Watercolor palette and brushes

There are many times when a particular phrase carries so much meaning in the original language but cannot be translated completely into another, hence the phrase "lost in translation." Yet while reading Marjorie Price A Gift from Brittany  I perfectly understood the words spoken by an old French peasant woman "tu vas connaitre la misère (You will come to know misery)." Of course it helped to have been brought up with Canadian French relatives who still spoke the language and two years of high school French. Then again life has taught me the understanding of the phrase as well.

"Perhaps there was wisdom in expecting misery to be a part of life, in accepting the fact we can't evade it. Trying to deny it only makes it more devastating, more lethal, so that when something tragic happens, we are unprepared and cut done by it." (p. 228, Gotham Books New York) How true is this quote! Life is a mixture of good and bad. It is not all one thing or the other. In fact even when you think you are surrounded by misery there are still pockets of joy, you simply have to look for them and recognize them for what they are because sometimes they are the tiniest of things - a smile from a stranger, a parking spot close to the hospital entrance, a person who is willing to serve you even though their shift has ended, a gentle touch. Often when our lives are filled with misery we are unable to see beyond it, we forget that good is even possible. On the flip side when times are good we forget the bad. Living is about learning to know both the good and the bad. To embrace all that life brings. Yes, embracing the bad seems crazy but it carries lessons that need to be learned. Plus if we do not experience the bad we cannot come to truly appreciate the good that life brings.

A self help book of a different kind

Photo source

How often have I (or you dear reader) picked up a self help book at the library or the book store looking for advice or a cure for what ails? Too any, enough for me to resolve not to pick them up anymore. Why? Because the answers are not going to be found in a book but rather in my own experiences of life and the many trials and errors that daily life brings my way. Grant I've found a few good tidbits of advice over the years but nothing so profound as to change it radically. So you might be asking yourself where is this all heading? The answer is to How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great written by Karen Karbo.

This is a very different type of "how to" book than others, it's more of a biography with insights into a philosophy for living gleaned from a very well lived life. In fact Karbo even points out mistakes that Hepburn made during her life time and suggests ways to avoid them, most notably to wear sunscreen. Hepburn showed her age early in life as her fair skin often burned from the time she spent outdoors with no protection.

I think the most important lesson learned from this book is to be myself. Hepburn did not fall prey to the Hollywood expectations for actresses of her day. She was her own character, she worked hard, she spoke her mind, she dressed as she pleased, she thought her own thoughts, and she valiantly strode through life in spite of its challenges. I like that because all too often I have allowed myself to "go along to get along." Fell in with what "society" thinks is appropriate. Did what I thought would please people who are important to me. No wonder I don't feel like I know myself at times because I'm spending too much time trying to be someone else. Luckily I'm learning to stop this behavior. Now in middle age I no longer want to live that way. I've begun to discover what it is that I truly love to do and I'm pursuing that. Life has become so much more pleasurable as a result. One thing I have experienced is the struggle that women face between the choice of motherhood and career something that Hepburn chose to avoid. She chose career. For me I chose motherhood for a time and once my children reached middle school I entered into a career. I've learned for me that I can have both just not at the same time. Was it a struggle? Yes! There have been many times over the last few years that I felt that I let my children down when the focus of getting a new career path off the ground got in the way. I also had to learn that the job needs to come second. Not an easy lesson for me. Most importantly, I think it is up to each woman to figure out her own pathway, I can only share with you my experience and Karbo shared what she thought Hepburn's life can teach us. In the end we each make our own lives the unique experience and we must make it genuine - you can't copy someone else's.