Struggling with Predictability

Starry Night -
Mixed Media

For the last week or so I've been having trouble settling down to a "good" book. I got half way through one when I realized that I had "read" it before. Yup, I knew how this story would end because it was taking the predictable story arc of the genre. I did what I think is the unspeakable - I flip through the book and read the end and sure enough there it was the predictable end. Frustration.

With my time not being taken up with reading, I turned my focus to working on my mixed media art. There too I found myself struggling. Being new to the art form, I'm seeking to learn from others and that leads to reading some magazines that focus on providing photo spreads accompanied by how-to tricks. The only way to learn something new is to try it for yourself, but I don't want my work to end up looking like anyone else's. Perhaps one individual magazine issue will have a diverse grouping of work, but buy the next issue and it looks incredibly similar to the previous one.

I realize that being creative is a struggle and if it was easy everyone would be doing it, but I also want to be unique. I'm tired of being one of the pack. I've spent my whole life trying to blend in so as not to ruffle feathers and frankly I'm tired of it. I don't want to be predictable because I've discovered in my predictability others have found a way to take advantage of me and that's got to stop. Recently in my life I had the opportunity to reinvent myself, but I've suddenly realized that I went with my predictable don't make waves style of behavior and I might have lost the chance. But all is not lost. Now that I see it for what it is, I've got the chance to change and to go in a new direction.

The piece of work above didn't come out the way that I wanted it to, but there too I needed to remind myself that I was dabbling - learning to use new techniques. There are several things I do like about the work and just like a book there are good points even if the overall work is disappointing.

In this first miniature of the piece above, I was working with layering a page from a vintage children's book about stars. I'd placed a light gesso wash and wanted to make sure that some of the words showed through the gesso and the paint that I applied above. What I do like here are the some of the brush strokes and the boxing of words to create found poetry.

 In the second close up you can see some of the text showing through. I'm really pleased with the colors that I used. I splattered paint of different colors to get the stippled effect on the paper, but also to get the look of stars in the night sky.
Again in this last photo, you can see some of the paint splatter that works well, but what really pleased me here was the brushstrokes of color. When I first started I had an underpainting of yellow, medium blue, and a bit of aqua. Then I began to add a deeper blue followed by black as I was trying to capture the color of the night when the edge of the western sky still has that last bit of twilight as the eastern sky has darkened enough to allow you to see the stars. But there was something not quite right - I needed another color. I could see that in some places the blue and black had begun to mix to form a purple-pink shade. That was it! I added a couple of elements of pink to the piece and it popped in places.

In the end, I will admit that it is hard to create a perfect finished piece and I must beware of the beast of perfectionism. I will battle to create work that is unique and I pray to stay away from the predictable.

Clearing the Slate - The Rules of Love & Grammar

Rules for Love and Grammar -
Mixed Media Collage

"You've got to have a clean slate before you can put something back together" (p.243) is the advice that Grace Hammond receives in Mary Simses's The Rules of Love & Grammar. The advice was given regarding the restoration of an old bike that had once belonged to her sister, but Grace finally realizes that it can be applied to her life.

For Grace, her slate need to be cleared of grief. Grace has been running away (a common theme in books - see my previous post) from the grief over her sister's death as a result of a misplaced sense of responsibility in the events that lead up to her sister's fatal car accident. The truth of the matter is that after her sister's death, Grace and her parents never spoke openly resulting in the formation of deadly family secrets. In Grace's mind she thought her sister was her parents' favorite and that she could never measure up. What her parents never shared with her was that their oldest daughter had a drug/alcohol addiction and mental health issues including a suicide attempt. As a result, years were wasted. Grace's grief hampered her from finding her true place in the world. She struggled with forming lasting loving relationships and pursuing her passions utilizing her innate skills.

If you follow my blog you already know that my family's secret included the suicidal deaths of two family members. I know that grief that goes unspoken. I've lived the stunted life that comes from never properly letting go of the grief. Lesson finally learned from all of this - speak the truth! Others need to hear it for they too may be suffering and to know they are not alone.

My new found interest in mixed media is one result of letting go of old grief that had held me bound. I have wiped the slate and started again. Each piece of artwork is like that - a clean piece of paper or canvas. It can be scary, oh so scary - what if I don't get it right? That's the second battle - overcoming perfectionism. My advice to you - just do it. There are parts of the piece above that I love and parts of it that don't quite work, but I did it and I will keep on doing it.