Most of us know our character flaws. Some are hidden well and take years to find, acknowledge and finally address. Mine is fear. There! San't be too afraid if I announce it to the entire world, but still I haven't come to grips with it. It doesn't drive my life like it used to, thankfully. When fear was in charge nothing happened. I was paralyzed. I kept doing, but I did what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. That's what fear did to me - it blinded me.
I just finished Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear and found it inspiring. Now as a famous writer, she admits to getting lots of fans who tell her how wonderful Eat Pray Love was, and many people have criticized it; I couldn't get through myself (can't tell you why, but there it is) so I can't give an honest opinion but by what she wrote in this book she's perfectly okay with that. That to me is a great lesson; not everyone is going to like everything I do or write, and that shouldn't keep me from doing and writing. The fear of people not liking me or my work kept me from even starting and that allowed fear to stay right where it wanted to be - in charge.
It's that perfectionism streak that does me in, and here's Elizabeth's advice on that: "You must learn how to become a deeply disciplined half-ass. It starts by forgetting about perfect. We don't have time for perfect. In any event, perfection is unachievable" (166). I love that. Someone has given me permission to be a half-ass, which is better than being a no-ass, which is what I was if I allowed perfectionism to prevent me from getting started. Being a half-ass is progress in my book.
Gilbert has peppered her work with many anecdotes and here is one of my favorites. A 70 year old woman told her, "We all spend our twenties and thirties trying so hard to be perfect, because we're so worried about what people will think of us. Then we get into our forties and fifties, and we finally start to be free, because we decide that we don't give a damn what anyone thinks of us" (174). That's where I stand now on the cusp of 50 and I've finally figured out that I just need to be me whether or not anyone else likes that. I've spent way too much time trying to be someone I thought I should be.
Her book is an eloquent pep talk for all those who strive to live a creative life. Creativity comes in so many forms and whether or not I ever achieve fame and fortune, I've learned that I need to live this way. Hiding my creative side was not helping me to be a happy person. I'm happier and calmer when I'm following a creative pursuit like writing, or drawing, or decorating the house, or working in my garden, or knitting, or... or... or... There are so many ways that I enjoy being creative and the challenge is that I only get 24 hours a day, which means I better get to work.
Gilbert, Elizabeth. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. New York: Riverhead Books, 2015.
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