"Wake up, sister. It's Your Turn.

Thanks to Joan Anderson and her book, A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find your authentic self after a lifetime of being all things to all people for the title quote for today's post. Actually, I have a lot more to thank her for. I picked up her book Saturday morning at the library and began reading it over the course of the weekend. My weekend has been extended by two days due to Hurricane Sandy and school being closed; first, I was grateful to have the time to get caught up on grading, but mostly, I was grateful for the time to rest.

Anderson's book is about  retreating from the world even for one weekend in order to begin to put one's life back together. I realize how much I need time from the world in order to pull myself back together. Commencing this time last year with the crazy, snowy Halloween storm when we were without power for three days, the searching for a college for my daughter, the holidays, Dad's illness and death, my daughter's leaving for school, my aunt's illness and death, worries over Mom and the building of her new life without Dad but still trying to care for her mother and aunt; all of this has contributed to putting me into a state of confusion. Wow! No wonder I'm feeling the way that I do. I am at that crossroads in life where I am moving from one stage of life to another and feel totally lost. I have been a lot of things for a lot of people and now I need to be someone just for me.

Since my father's death, I have been struggling with my sense of identity. For so long I wanted to live my life to please him and make him proud of me. What I didn't get was that I already did that because he loved me. He would have loved me no matter what I chose to do. Now I need to figure out what that is. What pathway is the right one for me? What path will use my true strengths and gifts? What will bring me true satisfaction and passion? It's really scary! I have a whole second half of life to live. I need to revivify (as used by Anderson and I had to go looking up on Dictionary.com because I hadn't seen it used very often in print). It's a huge challenge, one I am scared of, but as my last journal had printed on it "Always do what you are afraid to do. - Ralph Waldo Emerson" It's the fear I must over come because otherwise I will stay stuck just right where I am, and I am really sick and tired of being stuck here!