Finding your voice

Zentangle - Musical clef and notes

There are many voices that we hear during the course of our lives as we try to find our own voice. There are those of our parents - the first voices. Those voices tell us we are loved and cute as a button (at least that is what we wish all babies would hear), but later, they don't mean to, but there come the messages about how to behave, how to fit in, what we should do, and what we shouldn't do. There are expectations and dreams communicated to us.

Then there are the voices of teachers, friends, authority, and society. Influences and lessons. Words of support or words of oppression. Sometimes there are just too many voices and we can't hear anything else. Very often we can't hear our own voice.

The Chilbury Ladies' Choir by Jennifer Ryan is the story about a group of women in a small English village who struggle to find and hear their own voices. It is 1940 when the story begins with the vicar's decision to disband the church choir since all the males have taken their voices off to war. One brave woman suggests that they can still have a choir - an all women's choir. That sparks controversy and dissension.

The story is told through journal entries and letters written by a small handful of characters and is  reminiscent of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Annie Barrows and Mary Ann Shaffer. Each small village is struggling with the changes that the war have brought to them. Most importantly we learn how war changes and shapes people, and we see the evolution of the characters as they find their voices. The women of the choir become independent taking on jobs left behind by their husbands and sons. They struggle with the new morality that results from a changing world. They will not be silenced.

That leads to me finding my own voice. After many years, I've finally begun to weed through all the messages that the voices in my life have given me, sifting through and choosing the important and valuable and getting rid of the junk. My new voice is more willing to take risks, to speak out for what I believe in even when that might not be the safe or popular thing to do, and a whole hell of a lot more authentic. I've also come to value that I can use my voice and will do anything necessary to protect my right to use it.

Finding your way home

Continuing in the Louise Penny's series of Armand Gamache is The Long Way Home, home being something that means many different things. Gamache and his wife have retired to a new home in the village of Three Pines to be among their friends there. Home can be the structure, the village, or the people with whom you live. It may be the feeling of safety and security that we all crave. In this story it was about traveling far in order to return in two respects to home the place and to home within one's self.

At the heart of this story are Clara and Peter Morrow, a husband and wife duo of artists. At the beginning of Penny's series Peter was the well known, successful artist and his wife - well she dabbled until she had her big break through. Very quickly Clara's star rose and outshone Peter's and he responded with jealously. With their marriage in jeopardy, Clara asked Peter to leave their home so that each of them could sort out their feelings. They set a date to meet one year later to discuss what their next step would be. When Peter failed to keep their appointment, Clara fearing for his safety goes to Armand for help.

I will leave the synopsis there since what I really wanted to discuss was the poignancy of the characters' discussions surrounding art and creativity.  Ruth Zardo, the curmudgeonly, poet laureate who lives in Three Pines invokes a quote of Robert Frost's "A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness," (Source  Robert Frost Quote) stating that writing a poem is much like coughing up that lump.

"Any real act of creation is first an act of destruction. Picasso said it, and it's true. We don't build on the old, we tear it down. And start fresh."
"You tear down all that's familiar comfortable," said Gamache. "It must be scary." When the old poet was quiet he asked, "Is that the lump in the throat?" (p.153)

The act of creating whether or not it is writing or a painting, a symphony or a dance is a scary thing to do. I've begun to work with mixed media and very often that fiend, perfectionism, sits on my shoulder and criticizes what I am working on. I've discovered that a finished piece is rarely like I thought it would be when I started. Take for instance the piece below.

Collage - brown paper bag and magazine scraps.

What you can't see is some of my own handwriting that I didn't like the look of. Instead I continued to look for images or phrases that could convey the same message. This is a work that evokes my thoughts about travel and exploration. Now compare it to the work below. These two pieces were completed on opposite pages of my sketch book. Clearly this one speaks of my desire to snuggle in and stay in one place. The two opposing sides to my nature.

Collage - Woven strips of magazine with scraps. 

"Don't get me wrong I believe in using your head. But not in spending too much time in there. Fear lives in the head. And courage lives in the heart. The job is to get from one to the other."
"And between the two is the lump in the throat," said Gamache. (p.277) Now isn't that the truth. To create you have to use your head and your heart. There is thinking to be done with the head, but one needs the courage to just get over the inner critic and do the work.

Summertime and the reading is easy

Blue Bird of Happiness
collage and zentangle

"Summertime and the reading is easy. Fiction is calling, and the book pile is high. Oh, your library card is smoking and your glasses need cleaning. So hush little reader, just you enjoy." - My apologies to Gershwin (Norah Jones singing).

As a teacher, I value the opportunity to recharge during the summer vacation. Many would say that teachers cram a year's worth of work into ten months and they would be right. For those of you who have never taught, please don't comment negatively about teachers and working conditions. The two most common responses I get when I say I am a high school science teacher are: "God Bless You" and "You'd never catch me doing that job." Enough said.

Part of the recharging process for me is to immerse myself in reading a variety of titles. Not to mention I download plenty of titles from my public library's catalogue in order to listen while I'm out working in the garden, walking, or driving about. So with the additional free time on my hands (there are all those projects that get put off during school that need doing hence the audiobooks) I will have the chance to read and get some blogging in.

Revisiting an old friend

Louise Penny's
How the Light Gets In

I discovered the author Louise Penny one day while searching the bookshelves at my local Barnes and Nobles for something new to read. I picked up, The Cruelest Month, the third in her Armand Gamache detective series. Opening to the first page to test read the opening paragraphs I saw my uncle's very unusual name - Télesphore. Never had I seen it in print, but I took it as a sign that I should buy and read this book. I'm ever so glad I did. The story is set in the province of Quebec, home to many of my ancestors, and the peppering of French words and the unique expletives of the Quebecois (reminiscent of those used by my father) made me love the story and its characters even more. Of course once hooked, I had to read the first two books in the series and then continue on. Then came that fateful day when I put down the series. I was angered and frustrated by the direction the storyline was taking and I needed a break. I will not provide spoilers here today.

Some time has past and I found myself once again needing a new book to read and my local library had How the Light Gets In featured in a display of holiday/winter themed books (this story takes place in the weeks leading up to Christmas). What the heck, I thought, why not try again? And like her other novels, Penny had me sucked into her fictional village of Three Pines and the intrigue and corruption that was running rampant in the police department that Gamache loves so dearly.

It was nice to visit with an old literary friend. The characters and the scenery were familiar and quickly memories of previous novels in the series floated to the surface from my memory. I should have trusted that Penny would eventually make everything all right once again. But even "happy" endings come with a price. The good guys prevail but they are bruised, left with demons to battle, and still ever hopeful.

Sometimes a break can be a good thing for a friendship. Each friend taking off to explore the world, meet new people, engage in new experiences, but when the time comes to be able to pick up the threads of friendship and return to the old intimacy. Lucky for me there are more books in the series and I can spend more time getting reacquainted with my old friend.

My favorite fantasy read - Owning a bookshop

Jenny Colgan's
The Bookshop on the Corner

Escapist literature is different for every reader and every once in a while you just need to get away from the world and into a good book. Life has been stressful lately - job, a family member with health problems, and the national election season - and I for one just needed to get away from it all. Thanks to the local library I found just the thing in Jenny Colgan's newest The Bookshop on the Corner. Colgan took me to Scotland and introduced me to a wonderful group of townsfolk, and to Nina Redmond a laid-off librarian who found the gumption to become the owner of a traveling bookshop.

Oh I've read lots of books that take place in bookshops and I dream of one day being independently wealthy enough to run one of my own. I know it's not easy running your own business let alone run a bookshop in today's electronic age. But studies show that people still like to read paper books and it might just lead to living longer. And who wouldn't want to tap into that.

I think this fantasy of mine may have started with reading Carolyn G. Hart's Death on Demand series where her protagonist inherits her uncle's bookstore. Other mystery based stories by Lorna Barrett's  set in a fictious Southern New Hampshire town, which based on the geographic clues isn't all that far from where I live, continue to feed my fantasies. As long as there are authors willing to write stories about bookstores, I will be willing to read them.

In search of a good read links:
Cozy mysteries set in bookstores

A Charming Read

Phaedra Patrick's
The Curious Charms of
Arthur Pepper 

After I lost my father I found that I was drawn to reading books about widows perhaps it was my way of understanding what my mother's new life must be like or even what my life would be if I lost my husband. Just over six months ago we lost my mother-in-law and the roles are reversed, I'm observing what the loss of a wife means to her husband. What would life be like for my husband if I go before him? Phaedra Patrick's The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper is one such story that gives such an example.

The story opens on the one year anniversary of Miriam Pepper's death and her husband Arthur has decided today's the day to clear out her clothes. In the year since her death, Arthur has gone about living a very regimented life, life as Miriam lived while dodging the helpful concern of fellow widow and neighbor Bernadette, and missing his two grown children. When he discovers a heart shaped box hidden in one of Miriam's boots he uses his locksmith talents to open the lock and discovers a charm bracelet within one that he doesn't remember his wife ever wearing. Why is it hidden away like this? What can it mean? One of the charms, a small elephant, even has a telephone number inscribed on it. Curiosity pushes Arthur to call the number and so begins his journey to learning about who his wife was before he married her. I'll cut to the chase, the real result is Arthur's journey to discovering who he is now.

Back cover quote - funny thing
I've now read all these titles. 

"But not once had his wife made him feel like he wasn't good enough. He was doing that to himself" (Patrick 132). This quote struck right to my heart as the struggle I've been living with all my life. I've always thought that people were judging me, and perhaps they were, but maybe not in the way I thought they were. I've managed to do that for myself and harshly at times. Lesson number one for Arthur, and for me, is to stop doing that to ourselves. The cliche that we need to love ourselves before we can love others is at work again here.

Arthur revisits a seaside vacation spot and discovers a small crab in a tidal pool, "Perhaps I've been stuck in a rock pool too, he thought. I need to be in the sea, even if it's scary and unknown. If I don't do it, then I will shrivel and die" (Patric 287) What really needs to happen for any of us is to heal our hurts in order to open ourselves up to the next great thing that life has to offer us. It takes courage to put ourselves out there in the world. Arthur realizes his desire to expand his horizons. This journey has taken him away from home, introduced him to new people, pushed him out of his comfort zone, and shown him a different side of his wife - a part of her life she wanted to hide from him - "I have to trust that you did it for the right reasons. And I'm still alive. I wish you were, too, but you're not. And I want to live even though it hurts. I don't want to be a dried-up crab" (Patrick 288). And that is so what I want for my husband should I go first - I want him to live.

Patrick, Phaedra. The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper. United States: Mira Books, 2016. Print.

A Mystic, CT Beach Read

  Mystic River Bascue Bridge
at dusk

Growing up in central Connecticut, Mystic was a town that we visited often on our way to the Rhode Island beaches or to travel on my uncle's boat, which he kept at one of the boat yards on the Mystic River. The Seaport and Aquarium were destinations for school field trips and when my children came along family vacations. So when I saw Hannah McKinnon's Mystic Summer on the summer reads display table at the bookstore I simply had to pick it up and read the back cover details. There I discovered that the main character, Maggie Griffin, is a school teacher like myself  with the summer vacation ahead of her. Sounded right up my alley so I purchased it.

In the opening pages, Maggie is in one of those difficult teacher-parent meetings that only those of us in the profession can appreciate - it's with one of those sets of parents. On the whole I would say that 99.9% of parents are wonderful people to work with but let's face it when our child is at the heart of the matter sometimes our sensibilities go out of the window. I feel for those parents, I really do, but they need to face reality sometimes - their child isn't that bright, or that talented, or has lied about doing their homework, or in the effort to please their parents has cheated in order to get the A. It is one of the downsides of the job, and so too is budget time and Maggie is the victim of cuts. Now her summer vacation is a permanent one.

She takes off from Boston (another location which I'm am very familiar with now do to my son's choice of college and my mother's cancer treatments), to return home for an extended visit with her family and an opportunity to rethink her next move in life. It's not only her job, but her living arrangements (roommate is getting married), and her love life (sexy, actor boyfriend) that need sorting through. It comes as no surprise to readers of this particular genre that of course the wonderful boyfriend isn't quite the right fit and when Maggie runs into her old high school/college flame that old feelings are rekindled. I'll leave the ins and outs of the rest of the story for you to read.

What I liked best was reading a story set in a location that I knew well. I could picture the Main Street of Mystic, the Seaport, the shops, the Crystal Mall, Watch Hill, the Ocean House, and the list goes on. They were familiar and comforting for didn't I want to revisit the town only last summer for a few days of vacation with my husband. We stayed in a cute cottage on the banks of the Pawcatuk River well situated between Mystic and Westerly, RI. The picture above was taken from our dining spot on the patio of the S&P Oyster House as we watched dinghies travel below the bridge and when larger vessels came the drawbridge would open backing up traffic - cars and pedestrian.

This story turned out to be a nice romance, girl figures out the next phase of her life story, and travel book all rolled up into one. As with many novels that I've read, I hope to one day visit the locations that the story is set in. Having visited this location many of times, I would recommend it as a lovely place to vacation and enjoy a good beach read.