Struggling with Predictability

Starry Night -
Mixed Media

For the last week or so I've been having trouble settling down to a "good" book. I got half way through one when I realized that I had "read" it before. Yup, I knew how this story would end because it was taking the predictable story arc of the genre. I did what I think is the unspeakable - I flip through the book and read the end and sure enough there it was the predictable end. Frustration.

With my time not being taken up with reading, I turned my focus to working on my mixed media art. There too I found myself struggling. Being new to the art form, I'm seeking to learn from others and that leads to reading some magazines that focus on providing photo spreads accompanied by how-to tricks. The only way to learn something new is to try it for yourself, but I don't want my work to end up looking like anyone else's. Perhaps one individual magazine issue will have a diverse grouping of work, but buy the next issue and it looks incredibly similar to the previous one.

I realize that being creative is a struggle and if it was easy everyone would be doing it, but I also want to be unique. I'm tired of being one of the pack. I've spent my whole life trying to blend in so as not to ruffle feathers and frankly I'm tired of it. I don't want to be predictable because I've discovered in my predictability others have found a way to take advantage of me and that's got to stop. Recently in my life I had the opportunity to reinvent myself, but I've suddenly realized that I went with my predictable don't make waves style of behavior and I might have lost the chance. But all is not lost. Now that I see it for what it is, I've got the chance to change and to go in a new direction.

The piece of work above didn't come out the way that I wanted it to, but there too I needed to remind myself that I was dabbling - learning to use new techniques. There are several things I do like about the work and just like a book there are good points even if the overall work is disappointing.

In this first miniature of the piece above, I was working with layering a page from a vintage children's book about stars. I'd placed a light gesso wash and wanted to make sure that some of the words showed through the gesso and the paint that I applied above. What I do like here are the some of the brush strokes and the boxing of words to create found poetry.

 In the second close up you can see some of the text showing through. I'm really pleased with the colors that I used. I splattered paint of different colors to get the stippled effect on the paper, but also to get the look of stars in the night sky.
Again in this last photo, you can see some of the paint splatter that works well, but what really pleased me here was the brushstrokes of color. When I first started I had an underpainting of yellow, medium blue, and a bit of aqua. Then I began to add a deeper blue followed by black as I was trying to capture the color of the night when the edge of the western sky still has that last bit of twilight as the eastern sky has darkened enough to allow you to see the stars. But there was something not quite right - I needed another color. I could see that in some places the blue and black had begun to mix to form a purple-pink shade. That was it! I added a couple of elements of pink to the piece and it popped in places.

In the end, I will admit that it is hard to create a perfect finished piece and I must beware of the beast of perfectionism. I will battle to create work that is unique and I pray to stay away from the predictable.

Clearing the Slate - The Rules of Love & Grammar

Rules for Love and Grammar -
Mixed Media Collage

"You've got to have a clean slate before you can put something back together" (p.243) is the advice that Grace Hammond receives in Mary Simses's The Rules of Love & Grammar. The advice was given regarding the restoration of an old bike that had once belonged to her sister, but Grace finally realizes that it can be applied to her life.

For Grace, her slate need to be cleared of grief. Grace has been running away (a common theme in books - see my previous post) from the grief over her sister's death as a result of a misplaced sense of responsibility in the events that lead up to her sister's fatal car accident. The truth of the matter is that after her sister's death, Grace and her parents never spoke openly resulting in the formation of deadly family secrets. In Grace's mind she thought her sister was her parents' favorite and that she could never measure up. What her parents never shared with her was that their oldest daughter had a drug/alcohol addiction and mental health issues including a suicide attempt. As a result, years were wasted. Grace's grief hampered her from finding her true place in the world. She struggled with forming lasting loving relationships and pursuing her passions utilizing her innate skills.

If you follow my blog you already know that my family's secret included the suicidal deaths of two family members. I know that grief that goes unspoken. I've lived the stunted life that comes from never properly letting go of the grief. Lesson finally learned from all of this - speak the truth! Others need to hear it for they too may be suffering and to know they are not alone.

My new found interest in mixed media is one result of letting go of old grief that had held me bound. I have wiped the slate and started again. Each piece of artwork is like that - a clean piece of paper or canvas. It can be scary, oh so scary - what if I don't get it right? That's the second battle - overcoming perfectionism. My advice to you - just do it. There are parts of the piece above that I love and parts of it that don't quite work, but I did it and I will keep on doing it.

If you love Vermont - The City Baker's Guide to Country Living

Sweet Life in the Kingdom -
Collage

The husband and I have begun the search for where we might like to spend our golden years, or a least take extended stays in quaint New England towns with awesome inns, restaurants, shops (especially bookshops!), easy hiking trails, waterways for kayaking, and the list goes on. Living centrally located in Massachusetts allows us to go venturing in all directions, but one of the more traveled routes lately has been to Vermont, which has a special place in my heart as my great-grandparents had a dairy farm in Stowe.

Lousie Miller has set her novel, The City Baker's Guide to Country Living, in the northeast portion of the state colloquially known as the Kingdom. Olivia Rawlings, award winning, magazine-featured, pastry chef based in Boston has just had her life take one of those turns and instead of facing the fallout she skedaddles up to her best friend Hannah's place to hide out. But she has debts to pay and a living to make and before she knows it Hannah has arranged a job interview for her at the Maple Leaf Inn.

She gets the job and a lot more than she bargains for. Her boss Margaret is exacting and old fashion, the kitchen is not high tech, the living accommodation doesn't have indoor plumbing, and like many little towns everybody wants to know her business. In time she settles in and even falls in love, but once again when her world gets turned around she runs.

There is the old adage about the things you don't like in someone else are most likely the traits that you don't like in yourself. Olivia has a brashness about her, which is clearly her defense mechanism for dealing with life. Her childhood wasn't the easiest and she had to look out for herself so she doesn't want anyone telling her what to do even if they have her best interests at heart. Unfortunately she also learned to run when things got tough.  Eventually Olivia needs to make some hard decisions - what's most important to her? Who's most important to her? And most importantly - can she stop running away?

Now I might not physically run away when things get tough but I certainly find ways to avoid the situations I find myself in. When I was growing up I thought I understood the pathway I should follow. I did a great job doing just that, but then there came a day when I realized that perhaps it was a path that didn't always make me happy so I would strike out on a new path usually without giving it much thought as to whether or not it was the right one. I've been successful on many of these paths even if I wasn't always happy. Now I've discovered that I really want to follow a creative pathway. It's a scary path because I doubt it will make me rich or famous, but what it does is make me happy. In fact, I think it has been the pathway that I've been avoiding taking for so many years. There is the struggle with my perfectionism and my fears, but I think it's worth starting to stick around and do the hard things. SPOILER - Olivia figures this out for herself as well.

If you're looking for great places to visit in Vermont we found the following inns through Select Registry and Distinctive Inns of New England : The Barrows House and sister property The Dorset Inn  and The Grafton Inn

History Lessons - The Perfume Garden

Perfume Garden - collage
Old letter and other scraps

There are many novels written today using multiple points of view to tell the narrative. In historical fiction it is quite common to have one voice be from the past and one from the present and along the story arc the two lines eventually connect and The Perfume Garden by Kate Lord Brown is one such novel. To be honest as a reader I'm getting a little tired of the format.

At the opening of the novel, dated September 11, 2001, we meet Emma Temple successful perfumer, head of a multinational business and pregnant. Unfortunately Emma has been hit with a triple whammy - the father of her child has just left her for another woman who is also a partner in the business, these two are negotiating to sell the company for big bucks, and her mother has succumbed to her battle with cancer leaving Emma with an unusual inheritance in the form of a wooden box of letters and the deed to a house in Spain.

 It doesn't take much to realize where all this is heading. Her former lover is in New York to finalize the sale of the company at a breakfast meeting to be held at Windows on the World when she finally tells him the news of her pregnancy. By the end of the day he will be among the missing. Emma needs to get away from it all and decides to take up residence in the house in Spain and that's where the setting of the story turns its focus. The house holds secrets that stretch back to the days of Spain's Civil War and many in the town think it is haunted.

Stop and Smell the Flowers -
collage and zentangle

What I do like about historical fiction is learning a bit of history that I didn't know much about. I can honestly admit that as a student I learned very little about the Spanish Civil War, but it is the central event of this novel. Many American and British men and women were compelled to go fight, provide medical assistance or report on the events (think of Hemingway). Emma's grandmother and great-uncle were two such people.

Emma begins to read her mother's letters while restoring the house, which reveals some of its secrets. Emma goes in search of people who will help her to untangle the mystery. I'll let you read the book for yourself to find the answer to Emma's quest.

One of her mother's letters included the following lines - "Make perfumes that remind people how wonderful it is to be alive. Because it is, Em, to be alive is glorious, and people need to remember that, and to stop and smell the flowers." (p.87) This is significant in so many ways. Here is a dying woman reminding her child of the beauty of life even when you are in the midst of death. This novel had death surrounding the characters in the form of war, yet each strove to live fully - to risk and to love. We need to remember daily to find the joy in life and yes it is there even on the darkest of days - you just have to look. You have to look at the small things because it is in those things that we see and feel the most joy, but they are the things that most of us take for granted and pass over. Keep your eyes open!

Christmas Vacation Reading I - The Strange Disappearance of a Bollywood Star

Bollywood inspired - collage, zentangle and
colored pencil. 

The best part of Christmas vacation is the opportunity to read more. Of course I read all the time, but on vacation you have hours of down time, plenty of hot coffee or tea, and a comfy spot in front of the sparkly tree wrapped in the blanket that you knitted while listening to audiobooks. Ah bliss can be found on the darkest (the solstice has just past) and coldest (temps this week are averaging below zero for the lows and single digits for the highs) days of the season.

Earlier this fall I started a new job, which resulted in a longer commute - great I thought I can get more reading done while I drive. No, I am not a menace to society, I keep both hands on the steering wheel and both eyes on the road, but both ears are tuned into the audiobook that is playing from my car's sound system.

Always looking for something new to try, I downloaded a title by Vaseem Khan from my public library - The Perplexing Theft of the Jewel in the Crown. I was charmed to meet Inspector Ashwin Chopra (Retd) of the Mumbai police force, his wife Poppy, and the many characters that fill their lives. So I was happy to place an order for a Christmas present to me - Khan's newest title in the series The Strange Disappearance of a Bollywood Star.

Once again I was transported from my New England town around the world to another city and culture. Parts of the story are light hearted, but there are several important issues presented in this book. While filming song and dance filled movies in the Bollywood tradition is occurring, Chopra is dealing with the kidnapping of a young rising star. There are insinuations that organized crime and money lenders may be responsible. Chopra's assistant, Sub-Inspector Rangwalla (who was forced out of the police by a corrupt superior) has gone undercover to solve a mystery dealing with a group of India's struggling citizens - the eunuchs. I had a basic understanding of India's caste system, but didn't realize the difficulties these people face. The struggle of transgendered people is widespread throughout many cultures, but Khan's message is that all people deserve to be treated with dignity and have the opportunity to have a successful life and career. One book can't solve such large societal problems, but it can help to raise our awareness and encourage discussion and change. But in the end Inspector Chopra, Sub-Inspector Rangwalla, Poppy, and Chopra's ward - a little elephant named Ganesha, go the extra mile to successfully solve the cases that come to their little detective agency seeking justice for their clients.