Books that remind you of places you've visited

Whimsical Work - art journal page spread
collage and zentangle

Very often I've read a book because of its setting in a far off place - think Paris, Tuscany, London, Thailand, etc - hoping one day that I may get to travel there myself.  I've also read books because of places I've been like Mystic, CT the setting for Mystic Summer. But I chose Shelley Noble's the beach at painter's cove  because it reminded me of a place I once visited - the Florence Griswold Museum in Old Lyme, CT.

Noble has set her characters in a fictitious coastal Connecticut town, inhabiting a mansion called Muses by the Sea, which during its well-known history had served as an artists' haven. With just this description on the back cover of the book I was instantly reminded of the visit my husband and I made to Old Lyme. Just before the turn of the twentieth century, Henry Ward Ranger, a New York artist, having just returned from Europe filled with new ideas, ventured out on the train and found himself in Old Lyme. Taken with the town, he booked lodgings at Florence Griswold's boarding house. Of course he told all his friends about the place and before Florence knew it, her house was filled to the brim with artists. Then again the whole town was soon filled with artists who were pursuing Ranger's "tonal" landscape school of painting or Childe Hassam's new American Impressionism. No matter which style you favored you may be found working "en plein air" rather than in the studio. At night there were rich discussions over drinks, card games, or sing alongs around the boarding house's piano.

Noble's Muses by the Sea was another cauldron for creativity. There not only artists were welcomed but also writers and actors. It was most certainly a different atmosphere during the sixties and seventies when New Yorkers came to party it up with the hint of scandalous shenanigans. But like all things life moved on and the Muses fell into disrepair when the artists left. Now the Whitaker family must find a way to save their home and the artwork that it contains. You can begin to see the parallels between fact and fiction that sparked Noble's imagination and my own while I read. I'll leave you to come to your own conclusions as to how the story will end.

The Gift of Anger

Five Pillars of Nonviolence -
art journal collage

As a child I loved visiting with my grandparents. It wasn't until I had children of my own that in watching my parents grandparent that I saw a different side of them. Our grandparents are in a different position to teach us things that our parents cannot, perhaps we are just more open to them.

Arun Gandhi had the rare opportunity to spend two years of his early adolescence at the ashram run by his famous grandfather, Mahatma Gandhi. In his memoir, The Gift of Anger, he recounts the many lessons he learned from his dear Bapuji. Through telling his story, Gandhi helps us today to see how his grandfather's belief in non-violent actions could bring about the change that we want to see in our world - to bring about peace.

The vital lessons about life were codified in these principles: respect, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, and compassion. Arun's grandfather stressed the need to live life simply and to try to be better than the day before. He wasn't saying that we have to be perfect but to live our lives with out squandering any part of our day. We spend so much time trying to obtain status or wealth that we lose sight of those things that are most precious - those we love. As parents we get very wrapped up in the day to day challenges of earning a living, doing the housework, commuting, paying the bills, etc. that we can be worn out with little left for our children. And that is the beauty of grandparents - they have that time to spend with their grandchildren. No matter how busy Mahatma Gandhi was with the affairs of state, he would put those things aside when Arun required his attention. We all must remember to do that for whoever seeks to connect with us whether it is our children, our spouses, our parents, our friends for we never know how much time we will have with them. Sadly, shortly after Arun left the ashram to return to his home, his grandfather was assassinated. It is a blessing for us all that his lessons live on to help us all to be more mindful as we strive to live our lives to the best of our abilities.

Agatha Christie meets Stand-up Comedy - Ten Dead Comedians

Drawn to Fred Van Lente's Ten Dead Comedians by the book flap's nod to the homage paid to Agatha Christie's (one of my all time favorite authors) And Then There Were None, I gladly checked it out of the library. It was a quick fun read, but when I sat down this morning to think about the messages within Van Lente's and Christie's work, I was struck by the very dark under tones in each.

Like much of her work, Christie focused on justice and whether or not it may be attained within the legal system of the time. In her novel, she focuses on ten characters who have managed to get away with murder. Playing to either their vanity or needs, the executioner of justice has lured them to a secluded island where they are systematically executed according to the manner of death laid out in a nursery rhyme about either ten little indians or ten little soldiers (see printing dates and countries). Those who have committed the graver crimes have longer to live, but suffer the greater amount of psychological terror as they await their turn.

Contrast that with Van Lente's book where the ten characters, who are stand-up comedians, are collected because of their crimes against comedy when in reality (SPOILER ALERT) they are crimes against one particular comedian - their supposed host. Instead of seeking justice the killer wants revenge for being made the butt of their jokes.

And that's where my thoughts changed from fun mystery read to dark everyday reality. It is not uncommon for comedians and other celebrities to stand up in front of an audience or members of the media and put down others in their industry. Is that the price celebrities pay to be in the spot light? Are they all capable of taking the words they hear and brushing them off with no harm to their souls? They're grownups after all aren't they?

When is a joke bullying? Think about how often you or someone else has followed up a remark with "I was just kidding." Once those words are out it's to late to follow them up with a disclaimer that we didn't really mean it? If we didn't mean it, why'd we say it in the first place? We are all guilty of this crime.

Bear with me here as I make a big leap. As a school teacher, I have heard the remarks of students against other students and their back pedaling when they are called out by teachers or others. How is Van Lente's killer any different than those bullied students who take their revenge out by committing a school shooting? The comedian's crimes were verbal slights, but can be nothing compared to the physical, emotional, and psychological damage that happens to children in our schools and on social media sites. Everyday in my classroom I need to be vigilant for the signs of bullying - the withdrawal, the decline in grades, the failure to maintain personal hygiene, the loss or gain of weight, the use of alcohol or drugs, and the unthinkable - signs of self harm. Some bullied students lash out against their bullies, but more often they turn their rage internally and decide to make the bullying stop by committing suicide.

Let's all remember to take a moment to think about our joke telling - is it really a joke or will somebody end up hurting?

Reawaken, repair, and renew - Rise and Shine Benedict Stone

Awakening Stones - art journal page
collage

Sometimes we find ourselves weighted down by the burdens of life, or even the secrets that we hold within our hearts. Our hearts themselves may feel like they have been turned to stone. Benedict Stone, the title character of Phaedra Patrick's newest novel, is such a man. Benedict is a man who is currently separated from his wife, scarcely eking out a living with his small jewelry shop having lost his creative spark years ago, when the sixteen year old daughter of his estranged brother shows up on his doorstep. 

Gemma has secrets and burdens of her own. Like all teenagers, she is struggling to finding her own place and passion within the world. She has traveled to England from the US in search of answers. Her hope is to learn more about the bag of gemstones her father received from his dead parents, and why he hasn't invited her uncle to be a part of their lives. 

It's Gemma that spurs Benedict to face his past, beginning with opening the trunk in the attic containing his parents' gemstone journal, tools, designs, and some of his own early work. Together they read the journal passages, written by Gemma's grandfather, about gemstone properties, "Peridot - A rich green stone, sometimes called chrysolite, peridot is widely known as the birthstone for August. It can be found in volcanic landscapes. It was used in ancient times to ward off evil spirits. It can assist us to recognize negative patterns in our lives, override unwanted thought patterns, help let go of the past and ease fear and anxiety. It can lessen stress, anger, and jealousy in relationships, and also help us to find what is lost.." (p.76-77) Before long they are dispensing gemstones to the members of the village based on their needs. Benedict finds himself inspired to work on new designs which renews his creativity and even gives him the confidence to fight for his marriage. But those hidden secrets come back to bite them in the butt. I'll let you read the outcome. 

Family secrets are painful and soul destroying. What we hide from our spouses, our children, our parents, or our siblings breeds distrust and fear and nothing good can come of it. There are even our failed attempts to hide our own secrets from ourselves allowing our souls to slowly wither, ruining our relationships, stymying our creativity, and preventing us from living our lives fully. 

I chose the peridot quote above since it is my birthstone, but also because of the properties that Patrick ascribed to it (see her author's note). Right now in my life I am working to overcome the old negative thought patterns, based on old family issues, that I have allowed to hold me back. We can find ourselves trapped in negative or fearful thought patterns and it seems we can't out run them. I now know that there is a way out. It takes courage and hard work to make changes that bring you to a new place in life. After ten years at a very stressful job, I prayed for a solution and it came in the form of a new job. Now I'm battling the anxiety that comes with starting all over, but it's been a good thing and I am so grateful to be able to renew my life, find ways to express my own creativity, and to repair the damage to my soul. This whole summer has been about finding my voice and using it. 

St. Anthony - The Keeper of Lost Things

Lost Things made into a lapel pin
Auction item

Recently, I experienced something new - bidding on items at an auction. My mother and several of her friends visit the weekly auctions held at Weston's Antiques, a company that specializes in Estate liquidations, looking for items to add to their collections. They prep for the Tuesday sales by visiting the company's website where they can view samples of items as early as Sunday, and then attend the preview on Monday. There they look at items, read makers marks, look for damage, and plan their strategies. Tuesday begins by checking in with the auction house and obtaining a bidding card with a number and finding a good seat.

On the day I attended the sale, I perused the room looking for things I might like to take home to use in decorating my home. The pin featured in this photo was one among the many items of costume jewelry in a cardboard box. Its appearance definitely fits the bill for today's novel  - The Keeper of Lost Things by Ruth Hogan. 

Anthony Peardew lost the one thing his fiancé placed lovingly in his care; worst still he lost it on the very day she died. For the rest of his life while looking for this special item, he would pick up other lost things taking them home carefully cataloging them with date and location found. It was always his intention to work to return the items to their rightful owners, but found it hard to let the items go. Upon Anthony's death, his home and all the lost items are left to his assistant/housekeeper, Laura, with the one proviso that she take on his unfinished task.

Life hasn't always gone smoothly for Laura and this task seems overwhelming, but her best friend Sarah has some great advice for her and for the rest of us as well, "Laura, you have to let go of the past. You deserve to be happy, but you have to make it happen yourself. It's down to you....Don't keep punishing yourself for things you did then, but don't use them as an excuse either. You have a chance now to make a really good life. Grab it by the balls and get on with it." (p. 140).  And that's what Laura does. Ably assisted by Sunshine, a young woman with Down's syndrome, and Freddy the gardner, the team develops a website for displaying the items along with a brief description. Making use of social and mainstream media, Laura gets the word out about the website and items begin to be reclaimed.

Silver Plated Tea Set bought at auction
above it is a Wallace Nutting photograph
purchased at an antiques shop. 

Part of this interesting novel are the stories that Anthony wrote about the items he found, and like Anthony I began to wonder about the items that were being auction off in front of me. I purchased the silver plated tea service pictured here. Who owned it last? Was it a gift - wedding, anniversary or birthday? Who did they serve tea to? What was discussed while they enjoyed their cup? Who made it? You can imagine the questions might be endless, and I could easily begin to write a dozen different stories that feature this tea set in it.

Over the past few years, I have been drawn to collecting pre-owned items. They have such character and history. Plus there is a bit of an environmental aspect to it - recycling and reducing. When I visit an antique or thrift shop I think of all the stuff there and where will all the stuff that we keep making end up? What do we do with things we've lost - buy a new one to replace it if we can't find it. Is that the best solution? Without making and buying of stuff our economies wouldn't work, so can there be an easy solution for us?

Recurring themes - Midnight at the Bright Ideas Bookstore

I am drawn to stories that feature bookstores, most likely because it is my secret desire to own one of my own. Not all stories about bookstores are happy, but all of them have an important message within them. My most recent bookstore read is Matthew Sullivan's Midnight at the Bright Ideas Bookstore, which centers around Lydia Smith one of the employees. Lydia we learn is a survivor of a horrific crime one that has changed her and how she relates to the world. To compound to her sorrows, she is the first to discover the body of a customer who has committed suicide in the store. He has left her a clue - a photograph of herself at her tenth birthday party surrounded by her two best friends.

The story continues to unfold as we learn about Lydia's past and how she begins to unravel the unusual suicide notes left behind by Joey. Joey has cleverly paired books that he owns with books still in stock at the store, his books have windows cut out from them which when overlaid the corresponding pages in the store's books reveal a message. Lydia is forced to find the truth about how her past and Joey's are intertwined.  

What through me for a loop (SPOILER ALERT) was that central to this story is the search for a birth parent. This is the second book this month that I've read that featured this theme at its heart (see post on Celine). Of course this may simply be another case of Baader-Meinhof (see post) that I am experiencing. Either way, both of these novels reveal the heartbreak of families when they are separated from one another. 

Transplanting - The Little French Bistro

Transplanting - Art journal
mixed media

If you are a gardner like me, you know that every once in a while you must pull up a plant and move it. Early in my gardening career I needed to learn how to pair a plant with its sun needs. Sure the nursery is kind enough to give you a plant stake in the pot to help with placement but what do they really mean by part sun/part shade or full sun. Is that spot in your yard which gets some shade really partial shade or not? It is only by getting to know your yard do you discover how to nurture your garden. Kind of like your own soul.

But things change, nothing stays the same and that is true of your garden and soul. Trees grow and cast new patterns of shade. Soil needs to be amended. Plants grow larger and need to be pruned and moved about. The same happens to us, we change, we grow, we stagnate, we allow fear to overwhelm us, and the next thing - if we are lucky enough - we find ourselves desperate for change, and that's where Marianne of Nina George's The Little French Bistro finds herself.

Marianne is a sixty year old, German woman who finds herself in Paris the famous place of light, love, art, food and she is desperate to rid herself of her husband and her old way of life - desperate enough to throw herself off a bridge and into the Seine hoping to end her misery. She is furious when a homeless man witnesses her suicide attempt and jumps in to save her. A night in a psychiatric hospital, one counseling session with a doctor, finds Marianne stealing a painted tile from a nurse's desk, on which is depicted a scene of a French port where she has decided to travel in order to end her life. SPOILER ALERT - She doesn't succeed.

Marianne, however, does succeed in finding herself. The lesson here is that we can begin the search for our inner beauty, for our passion in life through work that brings joy, we can make like minded friends, we can find love and sexuality, at any time whether it be our twenties, forties, or sixties. It's never too late. Better yet it is important to start sooner rather than later. The pull of our old ways of thinking, that miserable stinking thinking, is strong. Even Marianne is fooled and trapped by it when her husband comes to find her. Luckily her internal sense that her soul is dying in this man's presence and that she doesn't want to experience that for a day longer sends her fleeing from him once more.

What is it in my life that makes me feel dead inside? For that is a clear sign that life needs changing. And like a plant or a Marianne (I spell my name with a y by the way - coincidence? I wonder.), I can be transplanted. Dig one's self up out of the soil carefully not to damage roots, shake free those roots so that they will be free to absorb water and nutrients from its new location. Perhaps there is some pruning to be done to encourage new growth. Maybe some extra babying with frequent waterings and a shot of good fertilizer. Then that plant or person can stretch out their roots and become a new member of the garden community, playing a key role that can only be filled by them.

Not your typical detective - Celine

Celine - art journal page

For the second time this summer, I found myself reading a story that involved a teenaged girl from a wealthy American family who finds herself pregnant during the years following World War II. Unlike Charlie St. Claire in Kate Quinn's The Alice Network (see my post) who is 19 and decides to keep her baby, Celine Watkins, of Peter Heller's novel Celine, is only 15 and her baby is given up for adoption. Both young women had difficult decisions to make regarding their pregnancy. Celine's decision would help to determine the course of the rest of her life.

After delivering her baby Celine returned to her private boarding school to complete her studies, went off to college, married and had a son. She was the unconventional member of her family by becoming a private detective and not your typical one at that. Celine only takes cases involving missing family members; often clients are looking for birth parents or children. On her travels, Celine continues to search the faces of women who would be the right age to be the daughter that she gave up all those years ago. As the novel unfolds, we learn about who Celine is and her family history. She is now in her sixties, remarried to Pete, suffering from emphysema, artist, master of acting, and a crack shot. We meet her adult son, Hank, who has learned his mother's secret from his dying aunt. Unknown to Celine, Hank in his early twenties went looking for his missing sister, and he might just have found her.

Celine's current case is  brought to her by Gabriella who is searching for her father a famous photographer who was presumed dead, eaten by a grizzly bear in Yellowstone National Park. But there are way to many loose threads to the case when Celine picks up the trail. Celine and Pete have arrived in Jackson Hole to begin their hunt for Gabriella's father and she comments about this town as being only in existence as a location for fun which is very tiring, "Pursuing fun is exhausting. Having fun is just fun. Much more relaxing just to do your work, don't you think? I mean if you enjoy it. (p.138)" What a statement about the American way of life - we work really hard in order to have the time to chase our happiness. In fact Pete responds to her with this, "It's why I always felt coming back to the States after traveling was a bit stressful. I mean our job as citizens, apparently, is the pursuit of happiness. Something I always have to gird myself for. I'd much rather just be happy, or not. (p. 139)"

Being happy has been a topic of mine in earlier posts (Hector and the Search for Happiness, The Happiness Project, and Happiness on the Mind), and I think Pete's quote above hits the nail on the head - happiness is a decision to be or not to be. We can't find happiness by pursuing it (see how i became stupid) rather it is something that comes from within. I believe that we can pursue fun, excitement gained by doing activities,  spending time with other people, or engaging in hobbies. But too many of us work very hard to get those things we think will bring us happiness - a thinner body, a bigger bank account, a house in a better neighborhood, the promotion at work, a new spouse, and the list goes on. What we lose is the precious time to just be. I attended the funeral of a wonderful woman this week, and I know that when she came to her last moments it wasn't her bank account she was thinking about, but the precious time that she had spent being herself for that was her greatest accomplishment and didn't everyone at her funeral say so. This woman was authentic, she used her big booming voice and she wasn't afraid to tell you just how it was. That's the lesson for all of us to take away - to be happy, to be ourselves, to go out there and do life. Thanks Patricia B. for the lesson.

Little Free Libraries - There's a Cozy Mystery for That

Little Free Library - mixed media
acrylic, magazine scraps, ink stamps, pen

Several years ago now, over dinner my son explained something new he had learned at school (yes sometimes children do have an answer to the "What did you do at school today?" question) something called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. What is that you might ask? Well, the phrase originally came from a West German militant group that formed in the 1970s that included two members with the names Baader and Meinhof, but in the 1990s was used to describe that thing that happens to us when we see or hear something and then it continues to crop up. True to form, shortly after my son explained Baader-Meinhof to me I read it in a book and then encountered it somewhere else. Too strange.

How does this relate to today's post you might ask, well remember about two or three posts back I mentioned my librarian friend's Little Free Library that she has in her yard? I had taken a book (how i became stupid) which I read and reviewed here. Meanwhile, I needed a new audiobook title to listen to and searched on new additions (see post on The Murder at the House of Rooster Happiness) and found A Most Curious Murder by Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli. This cozy mystery opens with the destruction of a Little Library built by the narrator's deceased father, and maintained by her mother. In a Michigan town with no library of its own, this Little Library served the community and its loss is seen as an outrage. Soon after, the man suspected of committing the vandalism is found murdered. Obviously, there is more to the story of just a vandal at work.

In the course of my reading life I have come across many a cozy mystery story. If you have an interest or a passion for something there is a cozy mystery out there for you. Do you like cooking or baking? There is Diane Mott Davidson's catering series or Joanna Fluke's bakery series. Need something to drink with those yummy treats? Try a tea shop mystery by Laura Childs or a coffee house mystery by Cleo Coyle. Do you knit, quilt, do needlepoint? There's Maggie Sefton, Earlene Fowler, and Monica Ferris.  Maybe you're into gardening, or vintage cookware, antiques, fixer-uppers, Bed and Breakfasts, libraries, I could go on all day, but the point is there is a cozy mystery out there to match any and all of your interests. Just think about it for a while and our old friend Baader-Meinhof will make sure you come across just what you need.

The Butterfly Effect - How It All Began

ButterflyTangle - art journal piece:
acrylic, zentangle, fabric and vintage book scraps

Penelope Lively opens her novel How It All Began with a quote from James Gleick regarding the Butterfly Effect, how the flapping of a butterfly's wings in one place can impact the weather somewhere half way around the world. It was Edward Lorenz of MIT, who in 1961, while trying to come up with a way to model weather patterns using computers, discovered that it would be almost impossible to generate longterm forecasts because we are unable to measure precisely enough the factors that we input into the model.

But how does weather modeling come into Lively's story? It doesn't. What does is the opening event - the mugging of an elderly woman named Charlotte. That event creates a cascade through the small group of Lively's characters who don't even know that they are connected to one another. You know it's like meeting someone who it turns out knows so-and-so and before you know it they are your neighbor's third cousin twice removed.

Charlotte is a former Literature teacher and in retirement a literacy volunteer. The mugging has resulted not only in the loss of her purse, but an injury: a broken hip. While convalescing, she finds it hard to focus on the one thing that has always sustained her - reading. "Forever, reading has been central, the necessary fix, the support system. Her life has been informed by reading. She has read not just for distraction, sustenance, to pass the time, but she has read in a state of primal innocence, reading for enlightenment, for instruction, even (p. 34)." How frustrating it must have been to her during this time not to have the solace that comes from reading. When my father was in the hospital and we were waiting a diagnosis, I knew that he was truly ill because after a lifetime of watching him reading, he didn't. He wasn't tempted by the daily paper, magazines or a book. When the diagnosis did come, Stage IV lung cancer, it was a swift five weeks to his passing.  I would not see him read again.

Like Charlotte, I read to learn about other cultures, what it is like to be a different age, have more or less money, how to overcome a broken heart, to be a brilliant scientist, an intrepid explorer, and the list goes on and on. "She is as much a product of what she has read as of the way in which she has lived; she is like millions of others built by books, for whom books are an essential foodstuff, who could starve without (p. 35)." How beautifully put, of course I am who I am because of what I've experienced but also what I have read. The thoughts of others, whether I've encountered them in person or through a book, and like the beating of a butterfly's wings, have had some effect on me. In return we may never know how our lives and words may effect someone else somewhere half way around the world from us.

Picking a book because of its cover

Artist Paintbox
from a visit to an open studio

There's a reason for cover art and that's to entice us to pick the book up and give it a closer look. How did they do it in the old days when all the books were bound in leather with gold tooling on the spine one looking pretty much like every other one? I imagine the quintessential Englishmen's library as featured in movies and design magazines.  I love strolling among the shelves looking for something that peaks my interest.

There are other methods to searching cover art for inspiration like flipping through BookPage: America's Book Review so thoughtfully left in the teacher's workspace by our wonderful school librarian. Her ploy is to get teachers to help with providing suggestions for the school catalogue, but I use it for my personal reading gain. There it was on the page, a cover featuring an open watercolor palette and brush, Julia Glass's A House Among the Trees.

Mort Lear, famous illustrator and children's book author, has foolishly, especially at his advancing age, climbed up onto the roof to clean away some debris left by a storm, only to fall to his death. His long time, live-in personal assistant Tomasina (Tommy) Daulair has inherited the house along with the responsibility of managing his literary/artistic estate. Enter a small cast of characters whose lives have been touch some way or another by Mort and his artwork. There is Meredith a museum curator to whom Mort as promised to donate a large portion of his work upon his death; Franklin his lawyer; Nick the actor who is to play Mort in a biopic movie; and Dani, Tommy's younger brother, who unwittingly served as the model for Mort's breakout work. It is through these people that we learn about Mort's character and his past. He presented a different face to each of them as he worked hard to hide his real self.

Mort, like many, suffered a trauma in his childhood which he never spoke about and kept hidden. The keeping of secrets leads one to develop mechanisms to protect the self, and prevent the rest of the world from knowing the truth. We are afraid that the world will not understand. They will judge us harshly regardless of the fact that we are a victim and not the perpetrator. As a result we become stunted. It is only by Mort's death and the coming together of this small group of characters that we can come to know the real Mort, and the truth is the real Mort lost out on a lot of life by holding onto his secrets. Finding the courage to voice our secrets allows us to be freed of them thereby giving us the opportunity to use all the energy that was dissipated in keeping those secrets and channel it into living more fully.

LFL Find - how i became stupid

Be Yourself - collage of magazine
and decorative paper scraps

As promised from my earlier post regarding Little Free Libraries,  here is a quick review of the book I chose - Martin Page's how i became stupid.

Twenty-five year old Antoine thinks to much. He goes through life examining each choice he makes. In fact he couldn't decide what to study in college so he has an eclectic assortment of skills by which he ekes out a meager living. Luckily, he has a posse of equally unique friends, all trying to make their way through life living in Paris.

Problem is Antoine thinks he's pretty unhappy with the way his life is going so he writes a manifesto regarding his issue - "The process of thought is not a natural one, it hurts; it's as if I were uncovering pieces of broken glass and lengths of barbed wire in the air. I can't seem to stop my brain or to slow it down.... Everything I see, feel, and hear throws itself into the furnace of my mind, fires it up and makes it charge on full steam ahead" (p. 56).  Over-thinker that he is he sets out to become more happy and his first attempt is to become an alcoholic. Never in my life, or that of the drunk in the bar that Antoine encounters, have I read of someone who diligently studies up on the subject before setting out to become an alcoholic. Turns out even with all his researching, that Antoine is super sensitive to alcohol and a mere half a glass of beer puts him into a coma.

Antoine, if anything, is persistent in trying to become happy. He finally resorts to prescription antidepressants and ringing up an old classmate who has become a wildly successful stockbroker. Like everything else Antoine throws himself into learning about the buying and selling of shares and with the help of decaffeinated coffee (I'll let you read to find out how this was done) becomes a millionaire. Of course now Antoine must pursue the life of a millionaire, and like many a millionaire he is doomed to lose it all.

At twice Antoine's age I have to laugh at his antics. Antoine thinks he's unhappy because he isn't like everyone else - he's unique. What he doesn't realize at the beginning of the book is that being unique may be hard in our world, but it makes us truly happy people. For most people they strive all their lives to be like everyone else. No where is it more apparent than in the halls of the high school I teach in. Girls who all have the same color hair (whether it is natural or not) cut in the same style, wearing the same black yoga pants and Ugg boots. Or boys with their basketball shorts and neon colored sneakers. It's the kids on the fringe who don't fit in you sometimes worry about, but they may actually have achieved what the others have not - self awareness. They already may know that following the pack is not going to make them happy. For other people it takes years, or they may never discover, that trying to keep up with the Joneses will never make them happy.

A trip to the far East - Murder at the House of Rooster Happiness

Gardening Happiness - art journal page
acrylic and magazine scraps 

Once again, a shout out to my public library for the many wonderful services they provide. This time it's the downloadable audiobooks, which I can access through the Overdrive App. Looking through the new additions list, filtered for mysteries, I discovered David Casarett's Murder at the House of Rooster Happiness set in Thailand. At the center of this story is Ladarat Patalang, a nurse who has traveled to the US to study at the University of Chicago in order to serve back in her native country as a nurse ethicist for the Sriphat Hospital. It is because of her training that a police detective comes to her with an issue regarding a man who had been brought to the hospital's ER by his wife - the man was dead, but an observant police officer on duty at the hospital recognized the wife except he recalled seeing her in another hospital with a dead husband in tow. Ladarat will be torn between her new found interest in being a detective on the trail of this woman, and her duties to the hospital which includes dealing with the family of an injured American man.

Casarett has peppered the book with loads of Thai language (little did I know how many different smiles we humans have), delicious sounding foods, description of the countryside, Eastern philosophy, and view points on ethics. As I listened I was reminded of another female character who became a detective - Precious Ramotswe of Alexander McCall Smith's No. 1 Ladies Detective series, set in the African nation of Botswana. Like Precious who refers to her detective's bible, The Principles of Private Detection by Clovis Andersen, Ladarat has her textbook by Professor Dalrymple, of Yale University who has written The Fundamentals of Ethics. Ladarat often refers to the wise words of Professor Dalrymple as she makes her way through the quagmire of actions, emotions and beliefs held by people in order to make ethical decisions to solve the problems set before her.

The story does present us with a medical ethical question regarding a gravely injured man who appears to be brain dead. What should the family and medical staff do to care for this man? The issue is exacerbated by the fact that this man is American and the Thais are well aware of how the family may perceive the medical care that can be received in a country not as developed as the US. As the reader, it was refreshing to see that issue handled and how another culture perceives us Americans. Once again we are reminded that we don't all see the world through the same lens.

The other major issue centers around prostitution. The sex trade is big business in Thailand as it is here in the U.S. Casarett presents two very different brothel owners and how they handle their business and treat their employees. We are challenged to see that in a culture different than ours that sending a daughter to work in the sex trade can be a way to support a family living in poverty. Does it make it right? As with many ethical questions there may be no right answer, but we must struggle to find the best answer for ourselves in a given situation.

Other's opinions about why reading is so good for you!

Art Journal - collage with buttons

My dear librarian friend is always looking for ways to get people reading; she has installed a Little Free Library (LFL) in her front yard. I stopped by this morning for my first visit. If you are not familiar with this idea, it is an opportunity for people to create a free book exchange program - take one, leave one - so I grabbed a title and will bring one the next time I drive by. What a wonderful way to discover a new author - Martin Page and his first novel how i became stupid. I will report back to you about this work after I've had a chance to read it, but be honest how could I resist such a title?

The other goodie in the LFL, was a url to a thoughtful TedTalk video by Lisa Bu, "How books can open your mind." I particularly liked her thoughts on how books can be a "magic portal" to connect us with people, the past, the present, and the future. They are also conduits for helping us to discover our passions. She presents the concept of comparative reading and several ways in which to choose companion pieces to do so. Lisa challenge accepted.

A word about today's art journal piece. When I was a kid I had a lovely yellow bike with a wire basket on the front, which I would ride to the library when the weather was good. It was a wonderful freedom and empowering to be able to head off and supply myself with reading material whenever I wanted. I didn't have to wait for an adult to take me to the library. How awesome was that. I hope you too have wonderful memories of childhood reading adventures, which live on into your present life.

A way of looking at obituaries - The Good Byline

Art Journal Pages - magazine scraps and
sympathy card pieces (from my grandfather's passing)

Sooner or later we all find ourselves in the position to clean out our loved ones homes and we need to decide on what to keep and what to get rid of. Some of the material we take home with us to sort through at a later date because often it's to difficult to do at the time. Recently, while visiting with my mom she was going through one such box filled with the sympathy cards from her father's passing. Knowing that I was collecting scraps for my art journaling projects she offered to let me take what I wanted. That's how this piece started - with the irises from one of those cards.

The Good Byline, by Jill Orr, features Riley Ellison a young twenty something whose life is on hold after her long-time boyfriend has dumped her and left town. She's under-employed at a job that doesn't fully use her skills or talents, lives in a house inherited from her grandfather, and hasn't moved on from the break-up. "I was living a life I'd lost control over somehow, treading water in a self-designed purgatory." (p.95) She is rocked by the news that a childhood friend has committed suicide, and this girl's parents want her to write their daughter's obituary. Riley has experience with writing obituaries as her grandfather was a well known writer of them. The difficulty for Riley is that the police ruled her grandfather's death a suicide and she has always struggled to believe he was capable of taking his own life. She can't come to grips that her friend has done the same, and she would be right - she didn't. I'll let you read about how Riley manages to unravel the mystery.

The point is about the obituary. If you've read some of the more popular self-help books, they advise writing your own obituary as a way to set goals for your life. Riley's grandfather often told her that obituaries were about life and not death. Sprinkled throughout the book are quotes from obituary writers such as this one from Jim Sheeler, "What can I learn from this life that will impact my own life?" (p.111) I thought that was a powerful question. In our grief we are often blinded by the loss of life and forget to remember the joy of the life lived. That consolation comes with time. When I work on an art journaling piece, I pour through the clips of words and phrases that appeal to me and begin to put them together with images. Little did I know that I would take pieces of a sympathy card and weave them into a piece that encourages the choice of living life to the fullest when you find yourself in a dark place (just when all hope seems lost). As Riley and I both learned, you have to live life to the fullest in order to provide lots of great material for your obituary.

This summer's trip to France - The Templar's Last Secret

Bruno's St. Denis - art journal collage
Magazine and Vintage book scraps 

If you have been following my blog for a while you may have notice the shift from using photos of the books I've read to photos of my art journaling. Often I find pieces which represent the theme of the book I was blogging about. Perhaps that is because my artwork is influence by my choice of reading or vice versa. Today I needed to create a piece specifically for this blog's book title - Martin Walker's newest, Bruno Chief of Police novel, The Templar's Last Secret. 

I began by imagine what Bruno's village of St. Denis and it surrounds would look like. One of the home decorating magazines I recently purchased featured French cottages. Prefect! Add to that a vintage book of French stories and another about the Impressionists and I was ready to get to work with my scissors and glue stick.

This novel centers around an ancient castle believed to have once been a Templar strong hold. A woman has fallen to her death following an attempt to deface the property with spray paint, but where is her climbing equipment and the can of paint? This isn't an accident and Bruno is now on the hunt. Before the reader knows it Bruno and his colleagues are tracking a small band of terrorists and trying to determine their target. One possible target is the treasured Lascaux caves in the region. Found by four boys in 1940, the caves are filled with paintings created over 20,000 years ago by the inhabitants of the region. The caves were closed eventually to the public to prevent their destruction due to the humidity created by visitors' respiration. A replica has since been created on the site of the original caves.

To the inhabitants of St. Denis the idea that their sleepy village is threatened by terrorists seems absurd. Doesn't that only happen in the big city? As one character states, there is no where we can be safe now. That was a chilly reminder for me. Here in the United States the increasing gun violence is an issue that we have all come to face. This new reality was never more apparent to me as when I sat in an auditorium with my colleagues - all of us school teachers - learning from our local law enforcement how to deal with an active shooting situation. Frightening though it may be, I will not allow this to paralyze me and prevent me from going about my business. I'm saddened that this is the new world we live in, but I know that I can work to be a source of peace.

Reading to see the other side of life - Domestic Violets

Flower Family - acrylic paint, magazine
scraps, vintage card and children's book
scraps, and a piece of Wordsworth. 

Reading is one of those ways that we escape from our lives and look to learn about how the other half lives. If we are poor we dream of being rich; live in a city read about village life; and if we are female to understand how men think. We humans use language to convey our thoughts, but does what I see on the page and comprehend the same as what you see? For an excellent explanation about vision and the concept of qualia, watch this Vsauce Video.

I had been in a bit of a rut reading books about women who woke up one day and found that they were pursuing the wrong career, in the wrong relationship, or challenged by some major loss - loved one's death, job termination, etc. I was most likely drawn to those books because I was wondering about my own life and the path that I was on. Lo and behold I found Matthew Norman's Domestic Violets, the story of thirty-five year old Tom Violet - corporate flunky, husband, father, and son.  He and his wife have hit a rough patch in their marriage and both of them end up being attracted to other people. He works for one of the nebulous corporations that don't seem to do anything important but must keep the profits rolling in, he's attracted to his younger co-worker and in combat with a rule following competitor for the next big promotion. Tom dreams of becoming a major author, but he has one major stumbling block - his father - famed author Curtis Violet who has just won the Pulitzer.

Tom has written a novel, but he submits it to his friend a literary agent under a nom de plume, "A family can only support one writer, right?" (p. 157) Tom's belief in this statement prevents him from finding his own voice (my reoccurring theme this summer), from separating himself from who his father is. Turns out Tom discovers that he is more like his father than he would like to be, and finds out that his father isn't so bad after all, "Being your father has always been one of his favorite things to be. He was afraid to admit that when he was younger." (p. 259) Of course isn't that one of our biggest challenges in life - finding our own voice, but learning that it has been shaped by who our parents are. Nature and nurture play a key role in who we become and no matter how much we want to deny it in the end it is always there.

I never thought I would be an artist. In fact, I resist calling myself that mostly because don't you have to sell your work or be recognized by the establishment to use that title? No, you don't. I've come to realize, that if I make art, I must be an artist. My mother is an accomplished artist, and growing up I too had the strange notion that there could only be one artist in the family. Now I know that belief is just not true.

The Flowers of Evil - The Alice Network

Les Fleurs - colored
Zentangle

How do women find their voices in times of war? For Eve Gardiner, one of the main characters of Kate Quinn's The Alice Network, it was to become a spy. In 1915, there weren't many opportunities for women to serve except perhaps to become a nurse. Eve suffers from a stutter and many believed that was a sign of lower intelligence so the best she could manage was to be a clerk/typist in a government office. However, she had an excellent command of the French and German languages and because of that and her stutter (what better cover) she was pluck out of the obscurity of the typing pool, trained in the ways of espionage (what the pencil pushers thought would be useful), and sent to France to join the other women of the Alice Network - all of them with floral code names. For Eve, like many in this occupation not all went well for her during the war.

Skip forward to 1947 and meet the other major character of the novel - Charlie St. Clair, a college sophomore with a "Little Problem."  Charlie's older brother came back from the Pacific Theater missing one of his legs and reeling from what today we call PTSD. He couldn't deal and sought relief in committing suicide. Charlie's family like many who have had a suicide in the family (like mine) didn't handle the aftermath well. Charlie dealt with her grief by becoming promiscuous, and hence the development of the "Little Problem." Charlie's family is wealthy and for the wealthy there have always been ways to take care of "Problems." Money could buy Charlie an Appointment in a Swiss clinic and the Problem would be solved.

Charlie has another problem - during the war her French cousin, Rose, disappeared and she is desperate to find her. Charlie has been searching for answers and has managed to secure the name of Eve Gardiner as a contact who might be able to help with finding Rose. So on her way to the Appointment, she slips away from her mother and goes to find Eve.

In 1947, Eve is a broken woman. Somehow Charlie manages to provoke her enough to begin the challenge of finding Rose. Here is where I will leave off the details and prevent any further spoilers for you. What's important is that both Eve and Charlie begin the process of recovery from their grief and guilt. Very often those who survive from a tragedy feel guilty for having done so, for leaving others behind, for not being able to help those they love. Grief then becomes crippling. Both these women were crippled by their grief and they had to learn how to voice it and come to peace with it.
So do we. For myself, the grieving process took much longer than necessary because I hadn't been given the necessary tool to overcome it - the knowledge that it was okay to voice my grief. Suicide is still a huge stigma in our society so we don't talk about it. The only way to deal properly with grief is to acknowledge it by talking it out. Charlie chose to find relief from her pain by having sex, Eve by drinking, me by overeating. It is by accepting our grief that we can begin to heal and live again.

The Bees' Needs

Nature's Genius - collage

I did a quick search of my blog and to my astonishment discovered that I've never written about Donna Leon's Commissario Guido Brunetti mysteries.  Then it's about time that I do. First, I have to say this is one series that I haven't gotten bored with. Over the years I have encountered mystery series that have gotten predictable with their plot lines, but Leon has managed to keep her novels fresh with a variety of themes imbedded in her work, most recently those that center around nature and ecological issues (Guardian article - "Why I became an eco-detective writer).

Leon's novels have provided me with an armchair trip to Venice where Guido Brunetti lives and works as a Commissario in the police force. He is married to Paola, a professor of English literature with a focus on the works of Henry James, and father to a son and daughter. Leon gives us insight to Brunetti's character through his interactions with his family. His has a strong and loving marriage and manages to parent fairly successfully his teenagers. Oh and Paola manages to have time to cook these wonderful family meals (there's even a cookbook).

The newest in the series, Earthly Remains, finds Brunetti in need of a break from the job. On the advice of his doctor he takes two weeks off from work. Paola's uncle has a villa on an island in the Venetian lagoon where Brunetti goes to be by himself to read, swim, and row. The caretaker, Davide Casati, turns out to be an old friend of Brunetti's late father, and the two men take to rowing daily. While out in the lagoon, Casati shows Brunetti the habitats of birds and animals, and the tiny mounds of land where Casati raises bees. But the bees are dying.

Bees all around the world have been threatened. Colony collapse disorder (CCD) was first noticed in 2006 here in the United States. This is a huge concern as the honeybee is one of the major pollinators for our food crops - without them we wouldn't eat. Bees can fall victim to parasites like the varroa mite, fungus, changes in the climate, herbicides and pesticides. Leon in her novel focuses of the suspected dumping of toxic substances into the Venetian lagoon which in turn is impacting the bees, lowering the number of species of birds, and increasing the rates of cancer in humans. Her novel is a warning to us about the chemicals we have created - many of which are never tested for safety until there is an issue. Think back to Rachel Carson and her dire warnings against DDT in her book Silent Spring. By the early 1970s the use of DDT was banned here in the States, however, we still produce it for use in other parts of the world.

We need to be cognizant of what the chemicals, which make our lives "easier", are doing to us and our world. There has never been a time to be more concerned about protecting not only the bees, but our water and air resources.

I suggest reading The Beekeeper's Lament by Hannah Nordhaus. I was fascinated to learn about colony collapse disorder, and the major industry that centers around providing bees to farmers in order to pollinate food crops around our country.

Finding your voice (II) - A Touch of Stardust

Storytelling - scraps, zentangle,
washi tap, and a button

A blog is a wonderful place to make confessions and I have made a couple in several posts, so here goes another: I have never seen Gone with the Wind in its entirety. There. I know perhaps that doesn't shock you, but for someone of my age, the movie was a perennial event on network TV, back before cable, and well before Netflix, so what else was there to watch? It would be spread out over three nights (mini-series style, which was popular back in the seventies) usually starting on Sunday and continuing on Monday and Tuesday nights. I always saw Sunday night and Tuesday but for some reason missed Monday, which meant I missed the big burning of Atlanta scene.

The burning of Atlanta scene is exactly where Kate Alcott's A Touch of Stardust opens. Julie Crawford, aspiring screenwriter, is a studio flunky trying to get a message to the all important producer David O. Selznick who just so happens to be burning down the movie studio's back lot - the inferno is Atlanta and when the embers cool the crew will build Tara and the rest of scenery needed. And here again am I, listening this time (audiobook) as I dig in the garden, to this all important scene to Gone with the Wind.

The event was so important to history and to the people who lived through it that Margaret Mitchell was inspired to write her story. By the way, I did read the novel. I was an precocious reader and by eighth grade I was picking up paperback editions of books like: The Godfather, Jaws, The Exorcist, and Gone with the Wind. I can distinctly remember sitting on my bed at my family's cottage on the Rhode Island shoreline just soaking up the story.

And that's where finding your voice comes in - storytelling. We each tell stories. There are the stories of our childhood, of our families, of our school experiences, of good or bad work experiences, of our loves and losses, and of who we are. Most of our stories are pure non-fiction and others - well let's face it there are embellishments. Perhaps we don't want to share the whole truth or we need to throw in some humor to take the sting of pain out of the telling. Perhaps we are afraid others won't like us if we tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But it is in telling the whole truth that we let our true voice be heard by the world. Our voice tells the truth. Our voice is who we are. We are the author's of our lives and it is only by using our voice that we can create something worthy of winning the Pulitzer or an Oscar, or better yet an epitaph that we are proud to read.

Finding your voice

Zentangle - Musical clef and notes

There are many voices that we hear during the course of our lives as we try to find our own voice. There are those of our parents - the first voices. Those voices tell us we are loved and cute as a button (at least that is what we wish all babies would hear), but later, they don't mean to, but there come the messages about how to behave, how to fit in, what we should do, and what we shouldn't do. There are expectations and dreams communicated to us.

Then there are the voices of teachers, friends, authority, and society. Influences and lessons. Words of support or words of oppression. Sometimes there are just too many voices and we can't hear anything else. Very often we can't hear our own voice.

The Chilbury Ladies' Choir by Jennifer Ryan is the story about a group of women in a small English village who struggle to find and hear their own voices. It is 1940 when the story begins with the vicar's decision to disband the church choir since all the males have taken their voices off to war. One brave woman suggests that they can still have a choir - an all women's choir. That sparks controversy and dissension.

The story is told through journal entries and letters written by a small handful of characters and is  reminiscent of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Annie Barrows and Mary Ann Shaffer. Each small village is struggling with the changes that the war have brought to them. Most importantly we learn how war changes and shapes people, and we see the evolution of the characters as they find their voices. The women of the choir become independent taking on jobs left behind by their husbands and sons. They struggle with the new morality that results from a changing world. They will not be silenced.

That leads to me finding my own voice. After many years, I've finally begun to weed through all the messages that the voices in my life have given me, sifting through and choosing the important and valuable and getting rid of the junk. My new voice is more willing to take risks, to speak out for what I believe in even when that might not be the safe or popular thing to do, and a whole hell of a lot more authentic. I've also come to value that I can use my voice and will do anything necessary to protect my right to use it.

Finding your way home

Continuing in the Louise Penny's series of Armand Gamache is The Long Way Home, home being something that means many different things. Gamache and his wife have retired to a new home in the village of Three Pines to be among their friends there. Home can be the structure, the village, or the people with whom you live. It may be the feeling of safety and security that we all crave. In this story it was about traveling far in order to return in two respects to home the place and to home within one's self.

At the heart of this story are Clara and Peter Morrow, a husband and wife duo of artists. At the beginning of Penny's series Peter was the well known, successful artist and his wife - well she dabbled until she had her big break through. Very quickly Clara's star rose and outshone Peter's and he responded with jealously. With their marriage in jeopardy, Clara asked Peter to leave their home so that each of them could sort out their feelings. They set a date to meet one year later to discuss what their next step would be. When Peter failed to keep their appointment, Clara fearing for his safety goes to Armand for help.

I will leave the synopsis there since what I really wanted to discuss was the poignancy of the characters' discussions surrounding art and creativity.  Ruth Zardo, the curmudgeonly, poet laureate who lives in Three Pines invokes a quote of Robert Frost's "A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness," (Source  Robert Frost Quote) stating that writing a poem is much like coughing up that lump.

"Any real act of creation is first an act of destruction. Picasso said it, and it's true. We don't build on the old, we tear it down. And start fresh."
"You tear down all that's familiar comfortable," said Gamache. "It must be scary." When the old poet was quiet he asked, "Is that the lump in the throat?" (p.153)

The act of creating whether or not it is writing or a painting, a symphony or a dance is a scary thing to do. I've begun to work with mixed media and very often that fiend, perfectionism, sits on my shoulder and criticizes what I am working on. I've discovered that a finished piece is rarely like I thought it would be when I started. Take for instance the piece below.

Collage - brown paper bag and magazine scraps.

What you can't see is some of my own handwriting that I didn't like the look of. Instead I continued to look for images or phrases that could convey the same message. This is a work that evokes my thoughts about travel and exploration. Now compare it to the work below. These two pieces were completed on opposite pages of my sketch book. Clearly this one speaks of my desire to snuggle in and stay in one place. The two opposing sides to my nature.

Collage - Woven strips of magazine with scraps. 

"Don't get me wrong I believe in using your head. But not in spending too much time in there. Fear lives in the head. And courage lives in the heart. The job is to get from one to the other."
"And between the two is the lump in the throat," said Gamache. (p.277) Now isn't that the truth. To create you have to use your head and your heart. There is thinking to be done with the head, but one needs the courage to just get over the inner critic and do the work.

Summertime and the reading is easy

Blue Bird of Happiness
collage and zentangle

"Summertime and the reading is easy. Fiction is calling, and the book pile is high. Oh, your library card is smoking and your glasses need cleaning. So hush little reader, just you enjoy." - My apologies to Gershwin (Norah Jones singing).

As a teacher, I value the opportunity to recharge during the summer vacation. Many would say that teachers cram a year's worth of work into ten months and they would be right. For those of you who have never taught, please don't comment negatively about teachers and working conditions. The two most common responses I get when I say I am a high school science teacher are: "God Bless You" and "You'd never catch me doing that job." Enough said.

Part of the recharging process for me is to immerse myself in reading a variety of titles. Not to mention I download plenty of titles from my public library's catalogue in order to listen while I'm out working in the garden, walking, or driving about. So with the additional free time on my hands (there are all those projects that get put off during school that need doing hence the audiobooks) I will have the chance to read and get some blogging in.

Revisiting an old friend

Louise Penny's
How the Light Gets In

I discovered the author Louise Penny one day while searching the bookshelves at my local Barnes and Nobles for something new to read. I picked up, The Cruelest Month, the third in her Armand Gamache detective series. Opening to the first page to test read the opening paragraphs I saw my uncle's very unusual name - Télesphore. Never had I seen it in print, but I took it as a sign that I should buy and read this book. I'm ever so glad I did. The story is set in the province of Quebec, home to many of my ancestors, and the peppering of French words and the unique expletives of the Quebecois (reminiscent of those used by my father) made me love the story and its characters even more. Of course once hooked, I had to read the first two books in the series and then continue on. Then came that fateful day when I put down the series. I was angered and frustrated by the direction the storyline was taking and I needed a break. I will not provide spoilers here today.

Some time has past and I found myself once again needing a new book to read and my local library had How the Light Gets In featured in a display of holiday/winter themed books (this story takes place in the weeks leading up to Christmas). What the heck, I thought, why not try again? And like her other novels, Penny had me sucked into her fictional village of Three Pines and the intrigue and corruption that was running rampant in the police department that Gamache loves so dearly.

It was nice to visit with an old literary friend. The characters and the scenery were familiar and quickly memories of previous novels in the series floated to the surface from my memory. I should have trusted that Penny would eventually make everything all right once again. But even "happy" endings come with a price. The good guys prevail but they are bruised, left with demons to battle, and still ever hopeful.

Sometimes a break can be a good thing for a friendship. Each friend taking off to explore the world, meet new people, engage in new experiences, but when the time comes to be able to pick up the threads of friendship and return to the old intimacy. Lucky for me there are more books in the series and I can spend more time getting reacquainted with my old friend.