The New Normal

Downsizing one's life -
Dee William's The Big Tiny

After author Dee Williams had two major life experiences, a volunteer trip to Guatemala and the diagnosis of a heart condition, she took the time to reevaluate her current life style and decided it wasn't serving her. One of her challenges had been homeownership. She'd purchased a fixer-upper which absorbed much of her time; time she realized which she wanted in order to pursue other passions. The solution for that? Build her own little house atop a trailer which could be moved about from location to location and to sell her "big" house, and purge her possessions.  That lead to the recording of her experiences in her "built-it-myself" memoir - The Big Tiny.

Several times in her book she used the phrase 'the new normal' which those of us in my household have added to our lexicon. Our 'new normal' like Williams, deals with a medical diagnosis, not my own but my mother's. In December I received the news that a tumor was detected in her abdomen. That was followed soon after with the pathology report indicating that it was a type of sarcoma. Sarcomas account for only 1-2% of all cancers, due to its rarity it is treated in only three major centers in our country. Luckily one of the treatment centers is only an hour's drive from my home - Dana Farber in Boston.

So of course I find myself doing a lot of reading while waiting for mom as she is undergoing treatment, and Williams' book is the one I finished just yesterday. The take away lesson for me is summed up in this quote from p. 279 where she states that when sharing about her life her listeners, "... want to examine their lives, and discover what makes them truly happy, which leads them to reconsider how they want to live within a community." It's the first step - examine their lives - where I find myself today.

The first step of examining my life led to the quick decision that a leave of absence from work was needed. I would not be able to fulfill my role as caregiver and employee at the same time. Both roles require my full attention, neither could be done half-assed. First decision made - ditch the job for now. The 'new normal' - chauffeur, chef, and chief bottle washer.

Second step of examining my life led to changes in the way I eat and exercise. Both mom and I are maximizing the opportunity for exercise especially as we are finding ourselves spending a lot of time in the car and waiting rooms. Menu planning and shopping lists are drawn up to make sure we are eating healthy. Mom also has celiac so I've had to learn how to prepare meals which are gluten free. We've learned that during radiation therapy you don't want to overdo the anti-oxidant rich foods as they work against the oxidative processes used to kill the cancer cells. Once radiation is over those foods will be incorporated back into the diet in order to heal in preparation for surgery to remove the tumor. The goal for us is to be in the best health possible for battling this disease; for the battle isn't for the patient only, but for the caregiver as well. The 'new normal' - cancer warriors.

Third step - well right now that is learning to live the 'new normal.' Staying in the moment and enjoying life right now. That's what Williams wanted, a life in which she found enjoyment. For her it meant that she no longer wanted to be consumed by her home. For me, our home has become a haven for my mom who is staying with us in order to be closer to treatment. It is where we are safe. Yes, a house is a lot of work and one day I will want to downsize, but for today I am happy here within my walls. Isn't that the whole point? To examine life and determine whether or not it is a contented life that we are living. That means my 'new normal' - is to live a mindful life.