Mealtimes with Buddha

Two of Ronald Merullo's titles in
the series of meals with Buddha

Although these are fictional works they are infused with the wisdom of the Buddha's teaching. For a novice in Eastern Philosophy they were an excellent introduction instructing me about these principles and how they could be applied in my life. These books along with others I've read on meditation and mindfulness have only helped to support my burgeoning practice of meditation.

I'd like to share a few quotes and lessons I've gained from these stories.

1. "You grew up in central Connecticut. No one has issues about central Connecticut." (p. 7 from Breakfast with Buddha) - okay nothing too deep here except a belly laugh (which is great for the soul) because I grew up in central Connecticut.

2. "I wonder, sometimes, if the same deep desire lies at the heart of addiction to drugs, to drink, to eating, to work: are we all just desperately looking for some strategy that will get us past the shoals of modern existence and safely into that imagined, calm port?" (p. 19 from Breakfast) - deeper thought required here on my part. Haven't I over the years battled with my own addictions (mostly food and work) to escape from the challenges of life? Still I am drawn to them as ways to ease the pain, but more and more I'm seeing that they don't work so well anymore. Now I want quiet. To sit and breathe. Or more often to get outdoors for a walk to enjoy moving and being in nature.

3. To paraphrase from pages 108-109 from Breakfast - we learn by living, from getting through all the challenges whether they be great struggles or the mundane chores of everyday living. But if we take the time to quiet the mind be it through meditation or prayer, we can increase our ability to learn from life's lessons. "It means you will squeeze all the juice from this life that there is to squeeze. You will not waste your time here, that you have been given, that is so precious we do not realize until the moment we die." (p. 109) - Wow!!! Right??!! How powerful those words are to me as I re-read these pages that I had marked for future reference. I am in the midst of grieving the loss of my dear mother-in-law and once again faced with observing my life. Am I squeezing all there is out of it? I am clearly yearning for more. I don't want to waste a precious moment. But fear is gripping me, can I make the leap of faith that it will take to truly change my life?

4. Again to paraphrase this time from pages 172-174 from Breakfast -  a parable of a young boy who has the desire to play the piano and as he grows to manhood he knows he will never play at the expert level so he begins to settle on choosing not to pursue his passion. His fears of failure and judgement have become barriers to living his life more fully. - Where has this same behavior come from in my life? Perhaps I will never know and perhaps it's no longer important to figure that out. The point is, am I willing to face the fears that prevent me from living, from pursuing passions, from loving more deeply? I want to be.

5. In Dinner with Buddha, Otto Ringling the narrator of these stories has a profound experience while meditating that I think helps to sum up what I am working towards. He describes it as follows: "It took a minute or two, but I could feel what I can only describe as a deep satisfaction enveloping me. Satisfaction is not quite the word, however. This was a state of being that I hadn't ever known, not in my best days as a father or husband or anything else, not in my quietest meditations. This was an absolute forgiveness for all that I was not, for all that I had not done right in this lifetime. A slate wiped clean." (p. 236-7) - He speaks further about a sense of belonging in the world. That all we have is our sense of being and that we are "perfect in (our - my change) imperfection."

Like a nourishing meal, these thoughts must be first be inhaled allowing the aroma to awaken the senses and start the flow of saliva from the glands. Tasted slowly to let the sensory buds identify the favor. Chew to get the texture and feel not to mention to begin the digestive process. The swallow - for not all bites or lessons are easy to get down some are more palatable than others. The process of digestion is slow as all the nutrients are broken down into smaller and smaller units being readied for absorption. The absorbed nutrients will then speed along the way through the blood to the cells where these building blocks will be used to fuel the cell or to be refashioned into new structures. Either way growth occurs - something new is built from something old.

Merullo has given me much to reflect upon. I have been filled up with new ideas, ones which must be chewed, digested, absorbed, and used to build a new way of looking at the world. Like many times before a book has arrived in my life when I needed it most. Lessons to be learned. Growth pains to be endured while I move from one stage of life to another.

Breakfast with Buddha,  Roland Merullo, Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, c. 2008
Dinner with Buddha, Roland Merullo, Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, c. 2015

Vintage Kitchens and Cozy Mysteries

Hoosier Cabinet

We are warned to be wary of multitasking, that our brains are not wired to handle doing several of tasks at once and doing them all well. In one instance I disagree, I'm a fan of 'reading' while walking. Exercising might not be one of my favorite things, but listening to an audiobook (reading is one of my favorite things) helps to make the miles go quicker especially if I'm on the treadmill.  Installing the Overdrive app on my phone was a brilliant move on my part. Just log into my local library, search for a new title to listen to, download, and off I go down the road.


That's how I found Victoria Hamilton's Vintage Kitchen Mysteries featuring budding cookbook author, collector of vintage cookbooks and cookware, and amateur sleuth - Jaymie Leighton. The first in the series, A Deadly Grind  centered around a hidden object in a Hoosier cabinet that Jaymie had purchased at an estate auction. I was pleased to see how an author could create a story around a piece of furniture that I had in my very own dining room.  My piece is a hand-me-down from my aunt and uncle when they downsized from a larger home when they retired.

The ensuing stories have all revolved around different vintage items that Jaymie has acquired or is researching for her writing projects (I've only gotten through the first three novels so I can't speak for all the titles). I too like to collect dinner and glassware. With the passing of my grandmothers and great aunts I have selected items from their kitchens as a way to remember them and their homes. The little blue and white doll pictured is actually a set of nesting measuring cups. The two small monks are a pepper and salt shaker set, and the larger one is designed to hold some other condiment such as mustard. His head is removable and there is a small spoon to ladle out the contents.

Doll is actually nesting measuring
cups. 

Vintage kitchenware - Monks
are salt and pepper shakers,
large monk's head comes off
and there is a small spoon.

Books - food for the soul

I am no where near finishing the current book I'm reading (G.M. Malliet's A Demon Summer), but I came across this quote that struck me to the core: Books are to the soul what food is to the body. Let the sister in charge of the scriptorium be alive to the rare sanctity of her duty. - The Rule of the Order of the Handmaids of St. Lucy (p. 120). Maillet has placed her character, Max Tudor former British spy turned vicar turned amateur sleuth, in a fictitious abbey run by the Order of the Handmaids of St. Lucy (also fictitious and not to be confused with the Liberal Catholic Order of St. Lucy). Max is making the rounds of the abbey meeting each of the sisters and learning about their role in the order. I haven't even read the chapter about the librarian from which the quote above heads, but the idea that books are food for the soul is such a powerful one I needed to stop and reflect on the thought.

Nourishing the soul can come in many forms I am learning. Just the other day while waiting with my mother for her most recent test results following her cancer treatments we went to the Boston MFA just blocks from the Dana Farber cancer center. There we immersed ourselves in the beauty of the American Impressionists. We spent a good hour and a half in just one particular gallery soaking up the color and emotions that the artists had expressed in their work. Scenes of nature - farmland, forest, seascapes, morning, noon, and sunset. Scenes of everyday life - dressing, caring for the home, children at play, the sharing of a cup of tea with a friend. Scenes of grandeur - city streets, the opera, the aristocracy dressed for coronation ceremonies. Each and every one food for the soul.

Yesterday afternoon working in the garden tending to the plants was another form of nourishment for my soul. I pruned plants whose blossoms are spent and foliage is withering. I transplanted day-lilies and irises to sunnier locations for next spring. I began the task of digging countless holes for spring blooming bulbs. The immediate results are an aching lower back, but the long term results will be the riotous colors I will enjoy from my favorite writing spot.

A good long walk can also be good for the soul. Time to contemplate life in rhythm to my steps and swinging arms. My breath finds a pattern to the motion. My eyes take in the beauty around me. I can either empty my mind of thoughts, or focus on them to find solutions. The endorphins do wonders for body and soul as well.

That brings me to books - the whole reason for this post. Over the course of my life books have been nourishment for my soul. I've lost myself in stories when I needed to escape from the challenges of my own. I've learned from textbooks and in return I teach others using them. I've gotten tips from self-help books on how to organize, exercise, meditate, or cook. I've found comfort and encouragement from books with spiritual or uplifting themes. Books have been there for me and will continue to be there for me to fill my soul. What a duty and gift it is to share books with others. It is one I take seriously.

Deceptive cover art

The Matchmaker

The Matchmaker by Elin Hilderbrand looked like an innocuous summer read. Just look at the cover - bare feet walking in the surf, blue sky, and a bicycle. Safe you would think, but no. Sorry but SPOILER ALERT: what starts like a fun romantic read takes a turn for the worst. The main character discovers she's dying of cancer. She's failed to see the signs that she is sick and by the time it's discovered it's terminal.

Now normally this might not have upset me, but when I started to read this book my mother was battling cancer. Hilderbrand describes the sorrow that a mother has at leaving behind a daughter, and a daughter preparing to lose her mother. It was a kick in the gut. By the time I reached the end I was in floods of tears. Hilderbrand wrote a wonderful story about living, loving and dying and well worth the read. Just have tissues near by.

As I prepared to write this post I did a little research on the author and discovered that she was diagnosed with cancer one month before the publication of this book. (Read
about the author's own battle with cancer) I imagine it must have been a shock when the news came after she had completed her own research in order to write her novel. There is no way to prepare for such a diagnosis, but the more people share about their experiences with this disease, the more hope and courage others can gain for their own battles. My mom's doing great and we were very lucky the tumor was discovered, quite by accident, as early as it was. Lesson learned - go for check ups and seek medical attention when something doesn't seem right, or a problem doesn't clear up.

Books can be a Blessing

One of life's challenges is to find the small blessings that pepper our lives every day. Some days it's hard to do so. And on other days they are so obvious that you can't help but trip over them. The real blessing, is to learn to be present enough in your life to know that blessings are there in spite of the chaos, and to seek them.

As I've written before, words of wisdom can pop off the page when you least expect them to, and that's the small blessing that comes from reading. Martha Woodroof's Small Blessings  came along just when I needed it in my life, and that's the nature of blessings. This novel is filled (SPOILER ALERT) with people who are struggling with addiction and mental illness, either their own or someone's that they care for. Most importantly it is a book about how people gain insight into their true selves.

Everyone has something that they hide or try to run from. As a result of the discomfort, fear, shame, (you add your own emotion here) many seek to ease the pain using drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, overeating, busyness (add your addiction here). Two-thirds of the way through the book (page 207 to be exact), two characters are discussing their unusual childhoods when one states they wouldn't have swapped with anyone else, "Because then I would have been living someone else's life and not my own." To which the other person replied, "It's sort of like we each get our own adventure, isn't it?" And there is the lesson - accepting one's life, accepting one's adventure, accepting one's own identity. It is when we try to run from ourselves that we run right into trouble. Haven't I done the same time and time again. I needed to be reminded that it's time to stop running. It's time to learn acceptance. It's time to practice the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer - accept the things I cannot change, find the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It's the last part that's the real kicker.

French Lessons?

Watercolor palette and brushes

There are many times when a particular phrase carries so much meaning in the original language but cannot be translated completely into another, hence the phrase "lost in translation." Yet while reading Marjorie Price A Gift from Brittany  I perfectly understood the words spoken by an old French peasant woman "tu vas connaitre la misère (You will come to know misery)." Of course it helped to have been brought up with Canadian French relatives who still spoke the language and two years of high school French. Then again life has taught me the understanding of the phrase as well.

"Perhaps there was wisdom in expecting misery to be a part of life, in accepting the fact we can't evade it. Trying to deny it only makes it more devastating, more lethal, so that when something tragic happens, we are unprepared and cut done by it." (p. 228, Gotham Books New York) How true is this quote! Life is a mixture of good and bad. It is not all one thing or the other. In fact even when you think you are surrounded by misery there are still pockets of joy, you simply have to look for them and recognize them for what they are because sometimes they are the tiniest of things - a smile from a stranger, a parking spot close to the hospital entrance, a person who is willing to serve you even though their shift has ended, a gentle touch. Often when our lives are filled with misery we are unable to see beyond it, we forget that good is even possible. On the flip side when times are good we forget the bad. Living is about learning to know both the good and the bad. To embrace all that life brings. Yes, embracing the bad seems crazy but it carries lessons that need to be learned. Plus if we do not experience the bad we cannot come to truly appreciate the good that life brings.

The New Normal

Downsizing one's life -
Dee William's The Big Tiny

After author Dee Williams had two major life experiences, a volunteer trip to Guatemala and the diagnosis of a heart condition, she took the time to reevaluate her current life style and decided it wasn't serving her. One of her challenges had been homeownership. She'd purchased a fixer-upper which absorbed much of her time; time she realized which she wanted in order to pursue other passions. The solution for that? Build her own little house atop a trailer which could be moved about from location to location and to sell her "big" house, and purge her possessions.  That lead to the recording of her experiences in her "built-it-myself" memoir - The Big Tiny.

Several times in her book she used the phrase 'the new normal' which those of us in my household have added to our lexicon. Our 'new normal' like Williams, deals with a medical diagnosis, not my own but my mother's. In December I received the news that a tumor was detected in her abdomen. That was followed soon after with the pathology report indicating that it was a type of sarcoma. Sarcomas account for only 1-2% of all cancers, due to its rarity it is treated in only three major centers in our country. Luckily one of the treatment centers is only an hour's drive from my home - Dana Farber in Boston.

So of course I find myself doing a lot of reading while waiting for mom as she is undergoing treatment, and Williams' book is the one I finished just yesterday. The take away lesson for me is summed up in this quote from p. 279 where she states that when sharing about her life her listeners, "... want to examine their lives, and discover what makes them truly happy, which leads them to reconsider how they want to live within a community." It's the first step - examine their lives - where I find myself today.

The first step of examining my life led to the quick decision that a leave of absence from work was needed. I would not be able to fulfill my role as caregiver and employee at the same time. Both roles require my full attention, neither could be done half-assed. First decision made - ditch the job for now. The 'new normal' - chauffeur, chef, and chief bottle washer.

Second step of examining my life led to changes in the way I eat and exercise. Both mom and I are maximizing the opportunity for exercise especially as we are finding ourselves spending a lot of time in the car and waiting rooms. Menu planning and shopping lists are drawn up to make sure we are eating healthy. Mom also has celiac so I've had to learn how to prepare meals which are gluten free. We've learned that during radiation therapy you don't want to overdo the anti-oxidant rich foods as they work against the oxidative processes used to kill the cancer cells. Once radiation is over those foods will be incorporated back into the diet in order to heal in preparation for surgery to remove the tumor. The goal for us is to be in the best health possible for battling this disease; for the battle isn't for the patient only, but for the caregiver as well. The 'new normal' - cancer warriors.

Third step - well right now that is learning to live the 'new normal.' Staying in the moment and enjoying life right now. That's what Williams wanted, a life in which she found enjoyment. For her it meant that she no longer wanted to be consumed by her home. For me, our home has become a haven for my mom who is staying with us in order to be closer to treatment. It is where we are safe. Yes, a house is a lot of work and one day I will want to downsize, but for today I am happy here within my walls. Isn't that the whole point? To examine life and determine whether or not it is a contented life that we are living. That means my 'new normal' - is to live a mindful life.