Writing

In touring colleges with my daughter I realize that there is a frustrated English major in me dying to get out. All those years ago I chose to go into Science. Now don't get me wrong, I do love Science. In fact I'm passionate about Science but there is a part of me that loves words and wishes I could spend more time working with them.

"I met people of all ages, everyday of my working life, who were writing because they couldn't stop themselves." (p. 506) Thoughts of Edith the narrator of Kate Morton's The Distant Hours. She's an editor who's just discovered that her own mother had a passion for writing and gave it up years ago, and is a bit too afraid that she can't begin again at the age of 65. This quote gave me hope that perhaps that inner wordsmith has time to come out and create a bit. In fact last night I signed up for NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month a program that encourages the writing of a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. It is all about getting the words out and onto "paper" (nowadays it's electronic paper), quantity over quality at least for the first pass. That's what I need right now because the editor in my head wants to get it down perfectly the first time and that simply can't happen. But if I don't have a goal to sit down and do this writing I might never do it. I have the story idea in my head and notes are beginning to form on paper. In fact I was quite pleased with the ideas that were coming to me today. The challenge will be to schedule enough time to sit and write during the period starting 11/1/11 at 12:00am. I can tell you that I will not be up at midnight starting but I'll get to it some time. Plus the challenge to get it done and uploaded by 11/30. Even if I don't make it at least I will have tried. One of my co-workers went through this process two years ago and the book has been published. There's hope for me yet!

Hector and the Search for Happiness

I was just reading through some notes I made after reading Francois Lelord's Hector and the Search for Happiness, and thought they would make a good post. This book is the story of Hector a successful psychiatrist (even if he doesn't believe that to be true) and his search to find out what makes people happy or unhappy. He has a wide variety of patients some of whom are mental hospital inpatients and others who are "everyday" people who outwardly appear to have everything but are dissatisfied with their lives. Have they pursued the wrong career? Are they in the wrong relationship? Or are they simply bored? Hector decides to travel the world in search of an answer.

I found a quote that struck me as poignant to my own exploration of what happiness is all about. Hector has traveled to Asia and is speaking to an old Chinese monk, "The first time we met, you said to me: it's a mistake to think that happiness is the goal...I was referring to the goals which you  in your civilisation are so good at setting yourselves, and which incidentally allow you to achieve many interesting things. But happiness is a different thing altogether. If you try to achieve it, you have every chance of failing. And besides, how would you ever know that you'd achieved it? Of course one can't blame people, especially unhappy people, for wanting to be happier and setting themselves goals in order to try to escape from their unhappiness." (p. 151-152)

As my life changes I see that my concept of happiness is changing. I too want to have happiness and more so, contentment. Joy is fleeting, contentment more lasting. I've been rushing around working at finding happiness when most of the time it is right in front of me. Sometimes I wonder if I don't allow myself to be happy. Is that a throw back to old fashion Catholic guilt? Are we not allowed to be happy? Did I just experience so much unhappiness in my early life that I don't know what contentment is? Do I spend too much time comparing my self to others and wanting for something to happen that will bring me happiness? It is something for me to contemplate. Sooner or later I will need to quiet my mind and get in touch with my feelings.

I've worked so hard at setting goals and achieving them, but then spend little time enjoying the completion and attainment of those goals. I'm caught up in the cycle of planning and setting a new goal to work on. I need to learn to savor the success for a while before I go haring off after another goal. It's true, acheiving one goal after another doesn't necessarily bring one closer to happiness.

Finding Something New in Something Old

Every once in a while I get the urge to read something "comfortable," and a cozy mystery classic fits the bill. I came across a 1955 Cock Robin Mystery (an imprint of The Macmillan Company) Three by Tey on the shelf of my local library. I had read Josephine Tey's A Daughter of Time and  The Man in the Queue, but this collection includes three novels that I have not read. I am currently in the middle of Miss Pym Disposes and find the writing charming. It is a soothing story so far, such a strange thing to say of a story that involves a murder even if I haven't come across the corpse yet. I'm coming to like Lucy Pym the narrator of the story and her outlook on the women's college that she is visiting that is run by an old school chum (faint memories of Agatha Christie's A Cat Among the Pigeons or Dorothy L. Sayers's Gaudy Night ).

Reading a "cozy" is just the thing for when the rest of life is absolutely crazy. I need reading in my life even when it seems I have no spare time, it is what is helping to keep me sane right now when all the rest of the world seems out of my control. The English countryside of the late forties (no influence of the war is mentioned) is the something old that is new to me.

"Reader Heal Thyself"

A while back I had this brain wave of writing a book about all the different self-help books I had on the shelves of my home. I collected many of them up to review and glean the precious lessons that the authors had offered to me their reader.
One of the oldest books in my collection is Marsha Sinetar's Do What You Love The Money Will Follow. I've held onto this one for a long time because each time I see the title I am reminded that I'm still searching for the work that I love. Words, I love words. I once thought I might work with words. No let's face it, I was afraid of working with words. As a teenager I thought it was not the job my father would approve of. Today, I still wonder what it is I want to do when I "grow up." I face the struggle as to whether or not my choices today are still colored by the thoughts of "what will others think of this choice of mine and will they approve?" What I really need to do is get past those old thought patterns and realize the only one who needs to approve of the work I do, is me.
Sinetar closes her third chapter with four very classic questions and I paraphrase here:

1. What is it I'm supposed to do with my life?
2. What habits must I develop to help me achieve my purpose?
3. What choices must I make to live out my purpose?
4. What would my life look like if I carried out this plan to live out my life's purpose? (p.52-53)

One thing is I would need to make writing a daily habit beyond the journaling I do every morning. That habit was also encouraged by a self help book (The Artist's Way- the author suggested 3 "morning pages" to be written everyday to get it all out of the head and prevent the blocks to creativity). This post for example was started several days ago and I have finally found ten minutes to sit down and work on completing it. One other habit that I will need to learn is to say no to others and protect my time so that I can write.

"Lite" Reading

There are times in life when all you want is something fun to read. I'm on vacation this week and found that deep, profound literature, or technical work related tomes were just out of the question as reading material. I discovered a light diverting "read" (on audio tape) to accompany me on my tasks this week - the Sookie Stackhouse stories of Charlaine Harris. I am by no means a devotee of vampires or other mythical creatures, but I have to admit I'm liking Sookie a human telepath and her unique set of friends, family, and enemies. I started with a set of short stories on a playaway book device, (These books only require a pair of earphones plugged in and you are all set and good to go. Great for walking, or keeping you company while doing housework, gardening, or my favorite needlepoint) and have moved on to another,  Dead and Gone. One other factor to liking this book series may be the performance given by the narrator, Johanna Parker. She has a gentle Southern accent for Sookie, and "voices" for the other characters.

My plan for the day includes work in the yard (thank God it is finally sunny and warm) and following Sookie on her journey of battling evil vampires out for her blood, the love interest (also a vamp) who is after her blood and more, and the evil fairies who want to punish her for being who she is. What fun!

Asimov Write's Mysteries?

In keeping with my resolution not to buy books this year, I've been spending more time amid the stacks of my local library. Lo and behold there I discovered something I did not know - Isaac Asimov wrote mystery stories! I was first introduced to Asimov by a friend during my freshman year of high school when she encouraged me to read his Foundation series. I continued to read several other sci-fi novels and short stories by Asimov, therefore, it was a pleasant surprise to discover his "Black Widowers" mysteries. Many of the stories in his Puzzles of the Black Widowers originally appeared in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine.

I'm currently on vacation this week and enjoyed reading this collection of stories over the past two days. I needed a break from "serious" literature or work related reading matter.

Still Reading

I started this blog around the New Year with every intention that it was to become a resolution of sorts. As with all resolutions or goals, life takes over and they are thrust onto the back burner. The urge to write has come upon me today. I've already completed a quick post to my "gardening blog." I find myself with the time to write today as I enjoyed yesterday's snow day from work getting caught up with household and work related chores. Finding myself with time today, I don't know what to do. Can't work in the yard because I must wait for the new snow to melt and the mud to firm up again. The house doesn't need as much attention because I cleaned yesterday. I have time to spend with my books and my writing.

Speaking of reading, I find myself drawn lately to light material. Fun things to read. Nothing too challenging. Perhaps I want the escape from my world into a different life. Jasper Fforde's new Thursday Next book was a fun read (actually a fun listen as I took it out of the library as an audio book). I just finished Alexander McCall Smith's The World According to Bertie  a continuation of his 44 Scotland Street series. I had started reading it a while back and found the character of Irene, Bertie's mother, so exasperating that I had to put the book down. Perhaps it is because I have met some of those mothers in the real world. Talk about your helicopter parent. This woman is a Black Hawk. I am sticking to my resolution of not buying any new books and I am continuing to make it through the collection of books that I have here so I sat down to finish this one in spite of Irene and her shenanigans. Makes you sympathize with the children of these types of parents. Just when I start to worry I don't work hard enough at being a parent I read an example of over the top parenting and realize I am doing a damn fine job with my children.

Reading of Art

I finished reading Susan Vreeland's Luncheon of the Boating Party this morning. In the vein of other recent novels, Vreeland has taken a famous painting and given us a back story about its creation and insight into the subject of the painting. Auguste Renoir is on the cusp of a turning point in his career. He has been challenged by Emile Zola's words about Impressionism being dead. Renoir decides to take on painting a large work that will depict la vie moderne. A painting of fourteen figures grouped around dining tables enjoying the well deserved break of a summer Sunday afternoon. 

As Vreeland describe the setting, the models, and their placement I would constantly flip from the text to look at the cover of the book. I matched the story's depiction to the painting itself. I was engrossed in watching the painting develop as the story unfolded.

To be very honest, I had bought this book some time ago, and began reading it but could only get one chapter in when the story lost my attention. I picked it up a second time, but only made it one chapter further. Perhaps a third times a charm, or the right book comes along at the right time for the reader. This story was the one I needed at this moment. I lost myself in the history of Montmarte and the artists and people who inhabited that world. I enjoyed the beauty of the Seine's riverside in late August and early September. I needed that in the dead of a snowy, cold New England winter.

 The painting is now housed at The Phillips Collection in Washington, D.C.

Book lists

While reading, I'm always interested to see what books authors recommend or refer to in their work. I've begun a reading list of titles or authors that I see repeatedly mentioned. For example, how often do you see a "classical" work refered to and think "I really should read that one day." There are only so many hours in a day so one way I get more "reading" in is to listen to books on tape. I still call them that because when I first discovered them they came on cassette tapes, now they are on CD or these little things call play-aways. I can even down load titles from the library website to my iPod. Isn't technology wonderful?

Anyways to get back to my point. When I read The Happiness Project at the beginning of the month, Rubin had a section on spiritual development and had asked readers of her blog to suggest books of inspirational quality. One such reader suggested Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones as a Zen approach to writing and life. Now I had seen that title mentioned in many other texts recommending it as a good choice for help with learning to improve one's writing. I promptly requested it from the interlibrary loan service (see I am sticking to my resolution about buying books) and it arrived this past Saturday.

Where's this going? In the car I am listening to Ernest Hemingway's A Moveable Feast, a memoir of his time in Paris. Always meant to read more Hemingway and finally getting to it. Then I start reading Goldberg's book and she quotes Hemingway from this very piece of work. Serendipity is what I call it. Is it merely by chance that right now I am focused on writing and developing the art myself that I am drawn to these titles? The Hemingway book I picked because the library had two titles on the audiobook shelf and the other I've read before, the Goldberg book because I keep seeing the title everywhere. Again perhaps it is simply serendipty, the phenomenon of finding something agreeable when you least seek to.

Gratitude for the Gift of Reading

The most recent fictional work I have read is Diane Johnson's Lulu in Marrakech. (Author of Le Mariage and Le Divorce both of which I have read.) Lulu, our heroine, is a human intelligence agent for an unnamed American agency (most likely the CIA) who is on assignment in Morocco. Her purpose there is to discover how money flows from "legitimate" charities to terrorist organizations, while her cover is to gather information about literacy programs in the country.

While visiting a school for girls out in the area around Marrakech, Lulu enters into a discussion with the program's administrator. The administrator comments, "I'm committed to girls reading. Not everyone agrees" (p. 82). To which Lulu thinks the following, "It was hard to imagine a life without being able to read - the situation for three quarters of women and girls in rural areas of Morocco. If you couldn't read, you'd have to wait for people to tell you things - how unreliable that would be!" (p. 83)

I was so struck by that passage. How often do I forget how lucky I am to live in a country where education for women is not limited? I'm grateful that my daughter has the opportunity to learn and use her knowledge. How often do we forget and take for granted such simple things in life? It was a reminder to champion the cause of promoting literacy here and abroad.

Happiness on the Mind

Perhaps 2011 is the year of happiness, or is it that New Year's Resolutions have been focused on happiness? Everywhere I turn it seems to me that I see books or magazine covers spouting about happiness and the pursuit thereof. Then again perhaps because I am looking to improve my contentment with life that my eyes have been opened to the happiness movement.

I purchased the most recent copy of Real Simple magazine because the sunflower and headline caught my eye (By the way I bought it before my resolution not to buy books went into effect. Do magazines count?). In the article about happiness, Gretchen Rubin and her Happiness Project book are mentioned. What really caught my attention was Marcia Menter's article, "The history of happiness." She mentioned that the Declaration of Independence states all men have the right to "the pursuit of happiness." Jefferson had it right when he wrote about the pursuit of happiness. We may or may not achieve happiness, but often the best part of life is looking for happiness and pursuing it. How many times have we pursued something only to find that the attainment of it isn't nearly as satisfying? The pursuit of happiness (or any goal or tangible item) teaches us to think long and hard about what it is we really want. Through the pursuit we may learn new skills, make new friends, and push ourselves a little harder than we thought possible. I'm looking for that kind of growth right now in my life. I desire the feeling that comes from working at something and achieving it. "Contentment - the feeling of satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation (Webster's)" that's what I'm pursuing right now in my life.

Money and Happiness

The old adage is that money can't buy happiness, but let's face it, it's nice to have. At the library (which will please the author of the next book I'm going to mention) I picked up The Ultimate Cheapskate's Road Map to True Riches: A practical (and fun) guide to enjoying life more by spending less by Jeff Yeager. Unlike many self-help books I have read about finances, this guide had a different approach to money. Instead of ways to trim your budget and save, Yeager encourages readers to think before they even begin spending. It was a refreshing concept and one that I needed to hear.

How much money is enough? That is one of the other questions the author poses to the reader. Really what do I want to do with my money. Right now I'm facing the start of college tuition bills in 18 months. My eldest is beginning the college search. The greatest gift my parents have given me (besides life and love) was my education without big loans. I dream of being able to start my children off in life without saddling them with student loans. So for me the question is, how much do I need to be able to send the kids to school, live comfortably, and retire? Do I expect to leave them a fortune when I die? No, not if I've already spent one on their education. To me their education is the most important gift or legacy I could leave them with.

One of the suggestions Yeager wrote about was to institute a mandatory waiting period before making purchases. In this way the consumer can avoid buyer's remorse. I managed to follow this precept before even reading the book. I've wanted to get some new office furniture for our "home office," and my husband and I had seen something we liked at the local furniture store. Thankfully, we didn't place an order that night. After some thought, what I really want to spend my money on is replacing the grungy, old rug that is in the office. I can put up with the current furniture for a little longer. The Cheapskate would be pleased to know that we ascribe to the very fashionable interior decorating style of "early American attic." Unfortunately, not that early, I'm not talking antiques here, I'm talking hand-me-downs. We have taken in a lot of old furniture from our grandparents homes after they passed on, as well as, some things from our parent's home when they upgraded. That's not to say we don't have some of our own things that we've purchased, but we have definitely saved money over the years on our furnishings budget. I'm glad with my decision to skip the furniture and get the flooring. I will continue to think twice before I spend my money.

The Happiness Project

Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project is a memoir of one woman's year long experiment in finding happiness in her life as a result of monthly resolutions. See I'm still on that New Year's Resolution kick. By the way, I've stuck to my one about not buying new books, this one came from the library (and yes I will give it back).
I found this one on the cart of books waiting to be reshelved. It intrigued me as I was starting to think about what I wanted to work on in 2011. Remember I'm looking to improve my contentment with life, not necessarily happiness.

Rubin explains that each person's "Happiness Project" will be unique, and to discover and use those components of the project that will work best for you. Many of her resolutions struck a chord with me. However, I'm still struggling with the whole concept of resolutions. Once again I headed to Websters for a definition, resolution is, "the act or process of reducing to simpler form." I liked that definition as what I really wanted to do this year is simplify my life. I want to resolve some of the outstanding "problems" that exist in my life. There are many things I know I should be doing that would make my life a lot easier and less stressful. Why I resist doing these simple tasks I cannot say. Therefore, I resolve to tackle those chores and tasks as they come up, and to stop putting them off, knowing that contentment will follow.

Not Buying It

About a year ago I picked up Judith Levine's Not Buying It: My year without shopping. In this memoir she recalls her decision in December of 2003, to curtail her consumer spending to "only necessities for sustenance, health, and business." The current economic state in 2003 wasn't too great, but it certainly wasn't in the dumps as it has been for the past couple of years.

As I started thinking of resolutions for 2011, I had to admit that my love of books was resulting in a cache of books in my house. Note I did not say I was a hoarder of books. As a matter of fact I often cull books from my shelves to donate to the "Friends" of our local library for their annual fundraiser. However, I love going to the book store and visiting the "Buy 2 Get the 3rd Book Free" or "Buy 1 get the other 1/2 off" tables, and can't resist bringing something home. That is most likely how Judith's book made it onto my bookshelf to begin with.

So I've come up with one of my new resolutions for 2011, not to buy any new books for this year, but to focus on reading all the books I currently have on my shelves that have gone unread. Part two of this resolution is to wisely use my local library to provide me with the newest releases. Last year in our town we almost lost our public library. Massachusetts' Proposition 2 1/2, limits the raising of taxes above that percent in any given year, and our budget needs could not be met without severe cuts or a vote to override the tax law. Luckily the townspeople overwhelming voted to approve the tax hike to pay for the cost of running the library (the senior center and town community center were also set to be closed).

It will be a tough resolution to stick with. A visit to the library this week yielded a new book that I might one day want to own as a reference book for work. I'll read it and decide if it should go on my wish list for 2012. I could even ask the school librarian to purchase it for our collection, who said I have to own it personally. There's nothing stopping me from receiving books as gifts in the year ahead. Loved ones take the hint, books or gift cards to my favorite book store would be well received this year!

Getting Started

The first post to a new blog is a little daunting to write. What should I say? How profound must I be? My first blog stemmed from a homework project for a class I was taking on technology in education where I had to establish a blog for use in an educational setting. The second blog came from the desire to be a little more creative and explore another interest, that is the natural world around my home. Both blogs went into a holding pattern as my new career in teaching took off, leaving me with little time for writing. You would have thought the educational blog would have taken off, but the school administration where I teach is a little leery of the use of some forms of technology. Not to mention it was all I could do to keep my head above water.
Now with a couple of years of teaching under my belt, I'm beginning to look at the quality of my life and discovering the need to establish a better work/home balance. I'm burning out and I need to find a way to renew my spirits. As the old year came to a close and time to reflect on resolutions or goals for the new year, I came to the conclusion that I sought to be more contented in life. You see I didn't write happy. I thought long and hard about the choice between pursuing happiness versus contentment. My Webster's dictionary (Ninth New Collegiate) defined being contented as, "feeling or manifesting satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation." To be honest, I am currently not contented with my life. Elsewhere in the dictionary it gave the definition of happiness as, "a state of well-being and contentment." I figure that means I must learn to be content before I can move on to happiness.
How to achieve that sense of contentment? I thought about what brings me enjoyment or a feeling of satisfaction, and I hit upon my love of reading. Even in the worst of times, I have a book close by. Reading can be soothing, exciting, even uplifting, and most of all life changing and saving. As an educator, I value written material of all types and the skills required to be a good reader. As an individual, I desire the knowledge, the escape, and the experiences I can have while deeply engaged in printed material.  I uncovered that contentment was to be had through reading. 
I have a guilty secret, I buy a lot of self-help books (and borrow quite a few from the library), and I was thinking it was about time to apply the lessons I learned from these books to my life. So started my plan to apply what I learned in my reading to my life. This blog will be a vehicle for me to journal the experiences I have learning from reading and applying it to my life both personal and work. I hope you enjoy the experience with me.